The thing is, every time I write it’s a piece of me that I give away. Maybe you don’t want that gift, maybe you think that gift is dumb, maybe it feels like the time your Aunt Sally gave you used wool socks on Christmas Day.
Maybe that’s why in a sea of warm comments, of comraderie & fist bumps, only the negative jumps out. But that’s putting myself out there & opening up & that lets the good in with the bad. As my good friend Nish said yesterday, “You can’t write on the Internet & have a thin skin.” I don’t have thin skin, folks. Blogging is choice that I make & a choice I embrace & at the end of the day, I love writing & sharing in this little corner of the Internet. If I wasn’t an attention whore, I’d write in a journal that I kept under my bed. Maybe you wish I didn’t like it so much & maybe you wish I’d shut up forever & hey, that’s cool. I write things that I feel & sometimes they’re wrong or harsh or weird, but I own them. Our difference of opinion doesn’t make you the bad guy & it doesn’t make me a damsal in distress.
On the other hand, the way we use our words (ha! can you tell I hang out with a three year old?) can make us the bad guys & victims. I need to work on that. I think a lot of us do, if we’re honest. I’d rather not walk away from a blog post feeling like this:
There are things that I read on the Internet that I don’t agree with.
Sometimes it has to do with Kim Kardashian, sometimes it has to do with gun control, other times it’s about parenting techniques. There are times where I’m all “WTF, DUDE” & there are times that I feel an ugly comment rising up. But I hit that red x on the top corner. Not because I’m a saint or a good guy. But because I don’t really know that person & I need to focus my energy on work & running & coming up with an idea for Valentine’s (even though I’m highly irritated by them). Thirty minutes later, it’s likely that I won’t even remember the article or what made me so knee-jerk mad in that moment.
(edited because erin pointed out a great thing in the comments – I said discussion first but what I meant was making that decision between respectful discussion & just being rude & non-constructive. respectful disagreement? keep it coming. being a douche? red x.)
See also: I need to stay the hell off Twitter when I feel knee-jerky. That is a lesson I am learning.
I spent a solid chunk of time three years ago spurring & engaging negative behavior on the Internet. You know what it got me? Not a damn thing. You know what it made me feel? Really shitty & lazy about myself. You know who was the bad guy? Me. Don’t make those same mistakes. Click the red x. It takes far less energy.
Let’s start a “be lazy” movement on the Internet where we read & share & shrug & go on with our lives.
I’m not perfect. I’m not a perfect mom & there is a solid, excellent chance that I’m going to look back on this past week & be all “WHAT WAS I THINKING?” I’ll look back on this hard right now & think it wasn’t so hard, compared to the new hard. I know my own momma has mothering moments she looks back at & shakes her head.
There might come a day where I delete all of this, every single damn word. I don’t know. Still figuring that out along with every other person writing on the Internet.
Yesterday I wrote about a hard few days & the important thing is that yes, I had a glass of wine during a frustrating evening but I still read books & tucked my little boy into bed. I was up with him the next morning with a smile, ready to go again. Words & stories are a tricky thing because they don’t convey the in-between of the emotions, but that in-between is what makes up 99% of our life.
Short version? My husband, kid, parents, & friends think I’m doing okay. So…I’m going with that.
This is not a call to continue yesterday’s post. If you feel that urge, click the red x. If you start acting a fool, I’m going to delete your comment. Pip, pip, cheerio!
p.s. tomorrow we talk about grey living rooms with yellow curtains.