The thing is, every time I write it’s a piece of me that I give away. Maybe you don’t want that gift, maybe you think that gift is dumb, maybe it feels like the time your Aunt Sally gave you used wool socks on Christmas Day.
Maybe that’s why in a sea of warm comments, of comraderie & fist bumps, only the negative jumps out. But that’s putting myself out there & opening up & that lets the good in with the bad. As my good friend Nish said yesterday, “You can’t write on the Internet & have a thin skin.” I don’t have thin skin, folks. Blogging is choice that I make & a choice I embrace & at the end of the day, I love writing & sharing in this little corner of the Internet. If I wasn’t an attention whore, I’d write in a journal that I kept under my bed. Maybe you wish I didn’t like it so much & maybe you wish I’d shut up forever & hey, that’s cool. I write things that I feel & sometimes they’re wrong or harsh or weird, but I own them. Our difference of opinion doesn’t make you the bad guy & it doesn’t make me a damsal in distress.
On the other hand, the way we use our words (ha! can you tell I hang out with a three year old?) can make us the bad guys & victims. I need to work on that. I think a lot of us do, if we’re honest. I’d rather not walk away from a blog post feeling like this:
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There are things that I read on the Internet that I don’t agree with.
Sometimes it has to do with Kim Kardashian, sometimes it has to do with gun control, other times it’s about parenting techniques. There are times where I’m all “WTF, DUDE” & there are times that I feel an ugly comment rising up. But I hit that red x on the top corner. Not because I’m a saint or a good guy. But because I don’t really know that person & I need to focus my energy on work & running & coming up with an idea for Valentine’s (even though I’m highly irritated by them). Thirty minutes later, it’s likely that I won’t even remember the article or what made me so knee-jerk mad in that moment.
(edited because erin pointed out a great thing in the comments – I said discussion first but what I meant was making that decision between respectful discussion & just being rude & non-constructive. respectful disagreement? keep it coming. being a douche? red x.)
See also: I need to stay the hell off Twitter when I feel knee-jerky. That is a lesson I am learning.
I spent a solid chunk of time three years ago spurring & engaging negative behavior on the Internet. You know what it got me? Not a damn thing. You know what it made me feel? Really shitty & lazy about myself. You know who was the bad guy? Me. Don’t make those same mistakes. Click the red x. It takes far less energy.
Let’s start a “be lazy” movement on the Internet where we read & share & shrug & go on with our lives.
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I’m not perfect. I’m not a perfect mom & there is a solid, excellent chance that I’m going to look back on this past week & be all “WHAT WAS I THINKING?” I’ll look back on this hard right now & think it wasn’t so hard, compared to the new hard. I know my own momma has mothering moments she looks back at & shakes her head.
There might come a day where I delete all of this, every single damn word. I don’t know. Still figuring that out along with every other person writing on the Internet.
Yesterday I wrote about a hard few days & the important thing is that yes, I had a glass of wine during a frustrating evening but I still read books & tucked my little boy into bed. I was up with him the next morning with a smile, ready to go again. Words & stories are a tricky thing because they don’t convey the in-between of the emotions, but that in-between is what makes up 99% of our life.
Short version? My husband, kid, parents, & friends think I’m doing okay. So…I’m going with that.
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Kate wrote a lovely post on this. Go read it, please.
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This is not a call to continue yesterday’s post. If you feel that urge, click the red x. If you start acting a fool, I’m going to delete your comment. Pip, pip, cheerio!
p.s. tomorrow we talk about grey living rooms with yellow curtains.
{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }
I love grey living rooms with yellow curtains! Hubby hates yellow so I settled for a yellow office with grey curtains…
So ya, yesterday’s post, which I read this morning, I was nodding along going yep, it’s been one of those weeks here too. Then I got to the comments & was all “Holy shit Batman! Who pissed in their Cheerios? WTF?!?!” Sorry for all the negative you got yesterday. It was completely uncalled for.
Word. On to the paint and fabric.
For the record, potty training was the shittiest part of parenting for us until Alex’s ADHD diagnosis. I have had quite a bit of wine to deal with both because dude, sometimes you need to sit in the shower and cry with a glass of wine. Anyone who hasn’t had that moment in parenting… well, I am happy for them.
PS. Store-bought Valentine’s because he is 3. 3 year olds don’t care. Get the ones with candy. They love candy. Target even has ones with pixie sticks this year, which is awesome because HELLO LEFTOVER PIXIE STICKS.
Pixie stick party at my house? YES.
With the risk of sounding totally creepy — since I haven’t ever actually met you (maybe I will at Blissdom this year?)… but feel like I know you in that Internet/Bloggy/Nods along to all your posts and totally drinks wine in the shower sort of way — I just love you and get excited each time a new post pops up in my reader.
Just know that for every evil comment you’ve got a lot of us are out there, not commenting and supporting you. Can’t wait for the paint. Can’t wait.
First time post! Yay! Anyhoo, I was going to leave this comment on yesterday’s post but wanted to be sure you read it because I so wanted to give you anonymous support.
I don’t know you IRL, I just read your blog on the interweb. That being said, I am in awe of anyone who can work full time, have a toddler, and put interesting and heartfelt content on a blog. Besides the whole moving thing. Besides the SAD and depression. And you run AND have sex with your husband? Goldarnit girl, you are one big overachiever!
To chime in with Megan, you do have a lot of us out here, not commenting but supporting you and identifying with you, and crying virtually next to you. Maybe even drinking with you. You’re doing great. Your stories give this mama encouragement. Thank you!
Yikes. I’m behind on my blog reading and just got to yesterday’s implosion that happened in the comments section. I didn’t find anything worrisome in your post…..but according to some people, I need to be getting help for my depression and alcoholism as well! I thought it was a lovely reflection of the not-so-lovely moments that go along with motherhood…..or with any aspect of life, really. And I can’t imagine getting so butt-hurt over someone else’s writing and reflection of their own life. Weird.
First time commenter, and reader even, after seeing Kate’s tweet to you. I was a colicky baby. I basically cried the entire first year of my life. I didn’t walk until I was almost 2. I never wanted to be put down. My dad worked 2nd shift. My mom was stuck with me almost all day by herself. I honestly think she is still suffering from the PPD from having me. And I’m 30 years old. Knowing the woman that I know today, I would give anything for her to have had a place where she could open up about the struggles she faced. This is a valuable space. You keep on doing what you have to do in whatever way you have to do it. Do what you have to do and let everything else roll like water on a duck’s back.
Oh ugh. I usually read your posts in my reader on my phone, so I can’t read comments. But I was nodding along to your post yesterday! We’ve all had bad days/weeks/months! I went back and thar post again and the comments too (well, just the beginning because I couldn’t deal) and don’t feel any differently than I have with any of your posts. I love reading you and hearing about ALL aspects of your life. I have a just turned 2 year old boy and I LOVE hearing about what comes next. Especially fromanother working momma.
I saw the comments and the crazy from yesterday, but I have to disagree with you here. While I don’t think that people need to be mean or rude, I also don’t think people should be complacent. If you feel strongly enough about something then you should speak up! Engage in a dialogue. Perhaps the issue is that people have been so fluffed up with Internet fist bumps and trophies for 8th place that they no longer understand how to deal with anything contrary or confrontational. Or because of a lack of those trophies, others come ou with guns and insults blazin’. Shouldn’t there be a more civil middle ground than trolling or ignoring?
You could be a very wonderful mom. Or a total douche. I have no idea nor do any of these other people accusing or defending you. You are right, lead the judgement to your husband and family. But shouldn’t bloggers accept that what they are putting out in the world will be judged, too, even if its a bunch of sarcastic wine tweets? Or beautiful posts abou the struggles of your experience with motherhood?
You know, I do completely agree with you. I think I just didn’t get specific enough & that’s my fault.
I think what I really meant was…engage! yes! But don’t be mean. There’s a difference between reading something & going, “Huh, that made me think & this is how I feel about it & this is how I would handle it” & having respectable discourse. But then there’s the “Ohh, I hate this person & am going to spit piss & vinegar.” Kind of like constructive criticism versus just being a douche.
Does that make sense?
Let’s say we were talking about religion. You disagree with me, so you say “Hey, I disagree because XYZ” rather than “You stupid moron for believing that. Enjoy going to hell.”
There’s just a better way to have disagreements than what I’ve seen lately.
Shining example? Your comment. It’s awesome. It’s respectful. It tells me that you are a nice person that I would probably like & someone who really thinks about WHY she disagrees & then gets her point across.
Agreed. High five.
I didn’t mean to be not picky, I just do not think we, as women or moms or people on the Internet, should just willingly accept/oblige/agree.
Three cheers for humane discourse!
I have been reading your posts since the good old bump days, I have a 3 year old daughter about 3 months younger than Harrison, and I just have to say that I don’t know what I would do with out your blog and tweets. My husband even knows who you are I have read so many to him over the years. I have commented and emailed you a few times and I just wanted to throw my support out there. I appreciate all that you write and can relate to so many of your posts. I wish I could be a writer and say the things you do, but I am terrible at grammar and punctuation and would be terrified of what my family would say.
Please don’t stop writing.
Please don’t let the ugly people get you down.
3 year olds suck. It has to be the worst possible year and girls have the worst attitude and sass!
Hey BA!
not really a nice way to say that truth. People suck sometimes. But I love your writing. I completely 100% relate to nearly all of your posts, and think we would be great IRL friends if we lived closer (I mean that in a totally non creepy, non stalker way lol). So please don’t stop writing. Don’t stop being honest. And don’t let the douchebag haters get you down (easier said than done, I know). Being a mom, a working mom, is hard…and awesome…and brain-draining…and magical. And you capture it perfectly. Much love girl! …now I gotta go play with my kid and stop reading your blog (omg what an awful mom I am, taking a few moments for myself after work 
))
I am a long time reader, once in a while commenter, and we’ve “talked” a few times on Instagram. I have a little boy within a couple months of Harry’s age. I had to go read yesterday’s comments after reading this and just say…people can be such shit heads
This exactly!!!!!
I don’t get a chance to comment often–but I have to say, I have exercised this majorrrrly in the last year+. Making sure I just take a second to BREATHE before a hot-issue/post I don’t agree with gets under my skin, and I usually just click away now. It’s just….not worth it. And chances are in writing, it’s not going to come off right anyway. Andplusalso? I had to give up twitter, it’s been a year now. But that is one of the reasons. I just felt myself getting irritated too often, and really? Ain’t nobody got time fo’ dat.
I don’t get to comment that often; with my own three year old, I’m lucky if I even get to read your posts in their entirety. I can’t believe I missed the comments yesterday, but when I looked back, I was really disgusted. So not only do the vicious comments make me mad, but based on those commenters, I don’t like that supporters are categorized as blindly supporting you because they don’t know you. I don’t know you – I don’t maybe necessarily agree/relate to/care for everything you write, but then again, I don’t necessarily have to agree with /relate to/care for every single thing anyone does. But what I do like is that you put it out there. As a mom to a three year old and 9 month old twins, my days can be really really rough. I look around and I’m always feeling alone in the struggle. I feel that a lot of moms put on a face and I just don’t see other moms ‘struggling’ like I do. I know they are struggling, but for some reason, many people like to hide that and look like they have it all together. When you put a post like out there like you did the other day, I breathe a little bit easier knowing that I’m not alone, even though it can feel that way. And then, I just keeping going and look for the good in it all. We all do the best we can.
PS – potty training my son was totally the worst. I don’t know what the specifics are for you, but what worked for us (after a huge struggle) was taking a ‘break’….the pressure was off for him, I guess. Goodluck, mamma!
Holy crap, I read your post on my reader yesterday and loved it. I just now went back and saw all the crazy comments. If someone was truly that concerned about you there are definitely better ways to go about voicing that.
But seriously, I have hit the red x many times. It’s usually on Facebook and it’s usually over some controversial topic and I have to remind myself that no one is going to change their mind because I’m SO CLEVER (read: I’m probably not that clever).
I hope that if I ever feel the need to voice concerns over someone’s personal lifestyle choices I’m a. a really good friend of theirs and b. do it in a kind way in a private setting.
Otherwise I’ll just vent out loud to my husband for a minute and then get over it. Poor guy hears all my crazy.
Hi Beth Anne,
longtime reader first time commenter present and correct here. I read your blog often and I have to admit I don’t agree or struggle with a lot of what you say here. I’m from the UK and I think alot of our differences are cutural maybe? Anyhoo I just wanted to say I find HOW you say things always honest and often very entertaining which is why I keep reading. You challenge me often and I find myself mulling over what you say sometimes for a few days. I don’t come here to agree and nod along I come here to find out what crazy/cool stuff is your inspiration today. Please keep being an individual and making me laugh and poking tender spots with your honesty.
Well said!
I loved yesterday’s post!!!! I too missed all the crazy comments. For the record, I don’t think you sound joyless when it comes to anything to do with your son (I stopped reading the comments after that) OR that you have a drinking problem. I think you sound like a working mom who is trying to do everything she “should” do and I’m sure I drink wayyyyy more wine than you and do not think I have a problem.
P.S. Just bc Pinterest makes you feel like you have to make everything, you don’t. I made Valentines on cardstore. I may let my daughter “decorate” the envelopes. Maybe I’ll drink some wine while I watch
Personally I love the post! I don’t say that b/c I know you b/c I don’t; I just loved the fact that another mother was actually being honest about real life struggles!
All I ever seem to see on FB & Pinterest is how every other mom in the world has all their poop in a group- they handmake everything, cook from scratch & have perfect, adorable children who never misbehave.
I rarely have time to handmake anything, I hate to cook (I do it but I still hate it) & my kid is perfect & adorable but she definitely misbehaves!
I was just happy to see something & say to myself “Hey look! Someone else is having a sh!t week too!”
Hey BA!
I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoy the honesty of your blog. I think blogging is a great way to be able to express your emotions. Some choose to make it public, some like me, just keep it as a personal diary. I find great relief in typing out my thoughts. If I didn’t have that, I don’t know what I would do sometimes. Life is stressful! Just keep doing what makes you feel good. Some people just have too much time on their hands and spend too much time reading between the lines.
I wish we lived closer together because I think we would be great friends!
I read this last night and had to go back and read the comments on the previous post. Whoa. I had to go straight to bed afterwards without commenting because I. . . I just couldn’t.
And I know by this point you’ve gotten a ton of comments and you’re over it, but I’m adding one more. I very recently started a blog, and I found it difficult to decide “who” to be. Because in real life, I am sarcastic to my friends and silly with my kids and polite with strangers and a ton of different things. And not all of that comes across in writing. But I know who I DON’T want to be, and that’s the “perfect” mom bloggers. The ones with completely immaculate homes (really?) and amazing made-from-scratch dinners and pictures of “everyday life” that look like vacation brochures. Their kids are always smiling and never, ever irritate them. Those blogs make me feel like a bad mom. And I’m not that, either.
So when I was thinking of all of this and writing my first few posts, I thought about you and this blog. You are not perfect. You don’t have everything together all of the time. But you know what? Most of the time you do. You love your husband and your son. And you have a blog I enjoy. Even if you don’t make handmade Valentines, complete with made-from-scratch cupcakes and *a free printable*! every week.
So thanks for that.
One of the things I like most about your blog is that you share emotions and impressions of the world that run the gamut from silly to happy to unbearably sad – you know, like a normal person! Whether or not I agree with an opinion or parenting tactic you describe, I can usually recognize commiserate with the sincere emotion behind it. You often perfectly nail that sinking feeling I sometimes have that I’m just completely failing as a mother, even though my rational mind knows it isn’t true. Keep up the good work here, BA. We like you! Don’t let the bad outweigh the good that you get from this place.
Hi. I rarely comment on blogs..but the previous post, and the comments that followed….well. Wow. I read blogs because I like them. Most bloggers I read post about their life-the good and the bad. I have four kids. Potty training….never gets easier. A blog is a place to go to vent, to get validation, to wonder, am I doing this right? There are no instruction manuals, just endless opinions (good and bad). Some weekends with a three-year old (or even without one) are tough. It helps others to read the type of post you wrote, and know that everyone’s life dealing wtih everyday shit is not all rainbows and roses. If you don’t like the blogger…well..don’t read the blog. It is her personal space to get support. Not deal with negativity. The fact that someone put that kind of effort into posting what sounds like a personal problem with the blogger is mind blowing to me. Quit reading. Simple enough. I enjoy reading it, and knowing that I at least am not alone because sometimes life seems overwhelming. It takes guts to write about it all.
Screw ‘em. Anyone who writes bad comments to you writes them for one reason, they are JEALOUS! They are jealous of you, your success as a blogger and your life. Period. Screw ‘em. Keep on being awesome.
I just read through those comments. I don’t know you IRL, I just read your blog regularly, and I’ve never once thought anything negative about you as a mother. You just seem like me and most other mothers I know – frustrated with your child at times, stressed from life in general, wishing for more time in the day – but at the heart of all of your blog posts is your love for your child. As someone who doesn’t even know you, this is very obvious to me. Please keep what your doing and please keep being honest. Some of us (MOST of us) really appreciate it…and look forward to it.
Seriously. I wonder why people become such trolls online, when they can remain “anonymous.”
It was completely uncalled for, BA. I love reading your blog for all the honest, sincere, and totally relatable posts (cheers from my wine glass to yours, girl).
Parenthood is hard. Let’s lift each other up with understanding and kind words. Love you, BA.
People need to chill the eff out. I have a glass of wine almost every night. And I’m breastfeeding. Holy crap, call CPS (yes, I drink it AFTER she is in bed). Also, Max just finally started pooping in the potty – he’s 3. What a battle. Once Harry gets it, it will be no big deal, I promise. But he just has to make up his mind to do it
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I get so irritated by the “comments” section of most websites. Most of the time I don’t even scroll down. But…I did look back when you mentioned it. WOW…..ummm…..WOW. I guess I just don’t get it. What drives someone to leave a judgmental/aggressive comment on a blog? Blogs are personal. Yes, it’s the internet, but just because it’s public doesn’t mean you’re invited to dump on it. If the same people heard you having that conversation in a restaurant, would they interrupt your dinner to voice their “concerns”??? I think not. I really wish there was a different atmosphere on the web. I guess I could spend 24/7 finding things to argue against on the internet, but why?!
Anyway….
I’ll think about this more over a glass of wine later while I’m waiting on my son to poop on the potty.
Oh my goodness I can’t believe this kind of shit happens to you. I was out of the (online) loop last week and missed the chance to say how happy I am to be one of your friends IN REAL LIFE and how awesome a momma I think you are. And how blessed Harrison is. And Doug, too. You are amazing and kind and hard-working and funny as hell and you would walk over hot coals for that boy. Hell, you’d swim in them. Proud of you for keeping your head up. Write on, girlfriend.
xo.
Girl, you know me. We go way back (to the days neither of us were our best self) and I feel you. Sometimes I think I backed off of blogging because I am too damn thin skinned. I think you do amazing on here. xoxo you.
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