how it feels to be me

by Beth Anne on February 6, 2013

Sunday morning smells like cinnamon rolls & Clorox.

Wipe down the counter, throw in the load of laundry, pause for a puzzle, run a vacuum over the rugs, forget the stairs.

“Momma, play cars with me?”

Sure, kiddo.

play how it feels to be me

My fastest run. Breakfast Club fist pump.

What do you think about brick tile for the kitchen? The old-world feel of home? Oh, it’s discontinued. Starting over.

After lunch & nap, of course.

Baby shower. Blue cupcakes. I wish it were me.

Fighting the toilet. My head in my hands & I wonder if we’re doing the right thing.

Alarm clock rings.

Work, tap, think, roll my eyes. Does it feel cold in here to anyone else?

I need a haircut. & the eye doctor. & the dentist. I’m not sure when I’ll find the time.

puzzle1 how it feels to be me

I’m sitting on the floor of the shower, wine glass in hand & the water is scalding hot. It’s a new low point & I wonder if I’m the worst mother ever. I can’t do this.

Alarm clock again. A long to-do list. My slowest run. I brace myself for another night alone.

But he does it. He finally does it! I swing him around the living room & he chooses to watch The Lorax in celebration.

We read three books before bed & he reads one to me. I kiss him & blow against his cheek & he giggles.

I love motherhood.

Alarm clock, is that you again? Damn you.

Cook up the eggs.  I miss bacon. Ouch, I’m sore from yesterday’s run.

I wonder what the living room would look like in grey with yellow curtains? & the dining room in apple green? I wonder if Pinterest has anything like that.

Oh, crap! It’s 8:30am. We’ve got to get moving, Hibby.

He throws his arms around my neck in goodbye & I look over my shoulder as I close the classroom door & he grins at me.

God, I love this.

roses how it feels to be me

{ 151 comments… read them below or add one }

mrshiggison February 6, 2013 at 11:54 am

This is lovely. Nice work.
All of it:)

Reply

FiddleDeeAshley February 6, 2013 at 12:01 pm

<3 and hugs. Also? Yes to yellow and grey.

Reply

Amy February 6, 2013 at 12:29 pm

Beautiful.

Reply

Ashley February 6, 2013 at 12:55 pm

Love it. Simple and pure. You are such a brilliant writer!!!!

Reply

Katie H February 6, 2013 at 12:56 pm

I’m in the same boat as you – it’s not a good time, but I wish those blue cupcakes were for me & a bun in the oven. Sigh.

Reply

Caitlin MidAtlantic February 6, 2013 at 12:56 pm

Definite yes to the gray and yellow. And another YES! to apple green in the dining room.

Reply

Beth Anne February 6, 2013 at 2:27 pm

AHH BUT GREEN IS SO HARD TO PICK OUT.

Believe me, I already screwed it up in our living room.

Reply

Caitlin MidAtlantic February 6, 2013 at 4:30 pm

Oh, I know. My bedroom is the green from depression hell (Behr Athenian Green: it’s horrible). But I grew up with the most cheerful granny smith apple sort of green in my parent’s dining room! I think it actually was “Granny Smith” from Benjamin Moore, but somehow that color looks awful on their website. Search on “celery” and see what you get, because there are some great greens out there!

Reply

Emilie February 6, 2013 at 2:07 pm

I say this with the best of intentions- I really wish you would get some help. It is just not supposed to be this way :(

Reply

Beth Anne February 6, 2013 at 2:25 pm

Emilie, while I appreciate your comment & appreciate that you meant it quite sincerely, I am positive that I am not the only mother of a three-year-old that has been through hell with potty training. I’m not the only mother who drinks wine or takes a hot shower to try to shake it off in the middle of said potty training, especially when my husband is out of town.

I’m even more positive that I am not the only mother who has wondered if she’s doing something wrong, or doing it right, or screwing it all up. I’m not the only one who questions what the hell I’m doing on a regular basis, especially when it comes to the tough love part of parenting a very stubborn child.

& aside from seeing a psychiatrist for three years & taking daily antidepressants, I’m not entirely sure what other “help” I could be getting :) Other than a full-time live in maid & chef. I’d so be down with that kind of help!

Reply

Rella February 6, 2013 at 3:16 pm

Can I chime in?

I have followed your blog and twitter for awhile & the one thing that stinks out to me a lot, is your constant, excessive “Send more wine” posts. I am serious & curious. Are you really drinking a glass of wine every single time you mention it on Twitter? Does your therapist think it is a good to mix a glass of wine with the antidepressants? As a professional, would you be comfortable with your employer seeing all your “Need moar wine!” (typo was yours, not mine!) tweets?

Call me ugly, but I have a feeling your next niche on the blog will be coming to terms with your alcohol problem – AGAIN – if every mention of wine is true.

& for the record, I get potty training is hard. Been there, done that. But I managed to get through it without having to devour constant glasses of wine. Or tweet about it.

Reply

Beth Anne February 6, 2013 at 3:36 pm

“Call me ugly, but I have a feeling your next niche on the blog will be coming to terms with your alcohol problem – AGAIN – if every mention of wine is true.”

Umm…again? I must have had a serious drinking problem before since I can’t remember the last time I had a drinking problem.

The answer is no, I do not shoot a glass of wine every time I mention it. Last night, I had one glass of wine to the two references of wine. One being “send wine,” the other being “wine poured.”

That morning I did make a joke of “send wine. I mean, coffee.” I didn’t think anyone reading it would actually think that I meant I was drinking a glass of wine at 8am while dropping my kid off at school. Because REALLY.

The night before (quite possibly the worst night in a long time), I had two glasses of wine to the one “WHERE IS THE MOTHER F*#CKING WINE?” tweet that I sent.

The night before I tweeted once that there was no pink champagne. Ergo, I drank none.

The previous wine tweet was January 30th. The previous before that was January 25th, about pink champagne.

I look at that & shrug. That doesn’t seem like a drinking problem. Or a far cry from any of my friends on Twitter. I don’t even think it’s a drinking problem for someone to have one glass of wine every night, even if they don’t Tweet about it.

To answer your questions, my therapist loves a good glass of wine herself & sees no problem with me having one or two or hell, having a glass of whisky. & considering my boss emailed the other day asking if anyone wanted to go grab a beer, I don’t think he cringes at my Twitter account. He sees me on a daily basis, unlike my Twitter friends.

I appreciate concerns, but I think I’ll leave the “honey, put the wine down” to my husband & folks who see me on a regular basis.

Reply

Jessica February 8, 2013 at 10:05 am

If wine is outlawed with young children, I’m not having them. First you guys scare me with the body stuff and then you say that wine and/or pink champagne is unacceptable? Nope. Not doing it. No way. No how.

Sounds rediculous, right Rella? So does your comment.

Reply

Caitlin MidAtlantic February 6, 2013 at 4:41 pm

Wait. Does this mean moms aren’t allowed to sometimes unwind with a glass of wine?? Oh geez. Someone better revoke my mom license.

Reply

Emilie February 6, 2013 at 4:42 pm

I’m not really even talking about the potty training. That’s shitty, for sure (har, har)

I’m talking about your lack of joy for anything kid-related. You don’t even think valentines are fun? Labeling his food is too annoying? You just don’t seem to enjoy any of it, and it makes me sad. To seem to find joy in other things, but never motherhood.

You spend quite a bit of time on twitter and drinking wine and looking at Pinterest but are too wiped out to make some valentines with your 3 year old. Something is off abou that. Do you think time management books/sites might help you? Perhaps not drinking and playing a game as a family instead? Quality time that’s not falling into the wine/tv trap?

When you were struggling w PPD and reused to admit a problem, you had many posts JUST like this. People would say terrible things or beg you to get help and you would laugh it off and your friends would support you…but we’re the “haters” right? Is there any truth to it now, or do you really think every mother is as miserable as you are at all times? Think about it….I’m just saying. You were SO SURE you were one then, when it was clear to man that you were drowning.

All you can do is make sure Harrison has the best mom he can have. And something tells me you want to be better than this.

Reply

Beth Anne February 6, 2013 at 4:59 pm

You’re right, I do think that requiring us to bring Valentine’s to his daycare is ridiculous for three-year-old’s. But that’s just me. I don’t enjoy cards or things like that. I toss that kind of stuff straight in the trash so yes, to me it seems like a waste of time, money, & trees. It’s not that I’m too wiped out to do it. It’s that I think it’s silly & I don’t like making time for silly things. Will I do it? Absolutely, because they’ve asked me to. I’ll let him pick out what he likes & I’ll bring them to his class & smile & hope that he enjoys it.

But I don’t enjoy that kind of stuff. It doesn’t make me a bad mom or person for not getting giddy about writing 15 “Valentine’s” for a kid that can’t read or write yet.

Like labeling his food. It stays in his lunch box which has his name on it in his cubby with his name on it until he eats it. Finding a way to label fruit? Annoying. It doesn’t mean that I don’t do it. It just means that I find it annoying & unnecessary.

Personally? I enjoy doing puzzles with my kid. He’s really good at them, too. I like reading books to him & he knows that I will never turn him down for reading a book. I like going swimming with him & going to the park & teaching him songs. I like finding inflatables on super-clearance after holidays & having a ghost flapping in my backyard in January because he thinks that’s the coolest thing ever. I like scratching his back at 1am so he’ll fall back asleep after a bad dream.

That’s what makes me a good mom, it’s what I enjoy. We all excel in different areas.

I think Harrison does have a great mom. He has a mom that sings songs in the car & makes sure he gets a treat every day in his lunch box. He has a mom that loves him & is there for him for whatever he needs, 24 hours a day.

Reply

Emilie February 6, 2013 at 5:12 pm

:::nods::: love when you post stuff like this. I loved it last time, too. Shortly before you conceded that you dreamed about your kid getting killed and needed a time out from everything except (squeeeeee!) road trips to IKEA.

A lot of people that call you a terrible mom have never met you. Should you listen to them? I dunno. But some of us do know you. Maybe it wouldnt hurt to just take a step back and ask “what can I do TODAY to be a better BA?” rather than reveling in your failures.

Reply

Beth Anne February 6, 2013 at 5:19 pm

Oh, cool. That’s a really nice thing to do, to bring up pretty much the worst nightmare of my entire life because we’re talking about how I don’t like Valentine’s.

That’s really awesome of you. You seem like a person I’d like to have as my friend & should listen to as someone who draws logical conclusions that debilitating postpartum depression & a lack of enthusiasm for Valentine’s Day are the same thing.

Appreciated, but I think I’ll leave it to my husband & therapist & friends to ask me what I can do to be a “better BA” today.

& if you are someone who does know me, I ask you to get the cajones to email or call me privately if you really have concerns.

Reply

Katie February 18, 2013 at 9:33 pm

I love when people confuse self-righteous shaming intended to make them feel better about themselves with being helpful.

Reply

Emilie February 6, 2013 at 5:17 pm

Also? The valentines aren’t about YOU. The poop Harrison sat in for an hour wasn’t about YOU. It’s not always about YOU. Sometimes it’s supposed to be about the kid you’re raising.

Classic BA…

Reply

Beth Anne February 6, 2013 at 5:20 pm

Ahh, you’re right. It’s not about me. But this blog is. So…you know.

Harrison sat in poop for an hour?

Dude…are YOU drinking wine in your shower right now while you type this?

Reply

E February 7, 2013 at 12:41 pm

emilie…. YOU ARE A BITCH! we are all doing the best we can. seems to me you need to get out of the bitchy commenter trap that you are in! go do something postive for your self…and the rest of us!
classic emilie!

Reply

The Many Thoughts of a Reader February 7, 2013 at 9:59 pm

It is quite okay to not want to do kid things. And it is quite alright to not want to make valentine’s. People like doing different things. Unless of course you’d like to tell me that I also have a problem.

Reply

Shawna Biccum February 8, 2013 at 11:21 am

I don’t enjoy giving my kids baths. It drives me freaking nuts. I absolutely hate it but guess what? I DO IT. I am their mother and it is my job. But, that doesn’t mean I don’t love my kids. I play with them, feed them, take care of them and love them. Everybody does it their own way.

BA has had a miscarriage. Do you remember this, Emilie? Have you ever had one? Because I’ll tell you a little something…. It is NORMAL to go through PPD after having a miscarriage or a stillbirth and then having a baby. It is NORMAL to be terrified, sad and scared when you don’t know what the hell you’re doing.

I’ve had both a stillbirth and a miscarriage and I have 3 kids now. I’ll tell you something, I can relate to exactly how BA feels in general just not for the same exact reasons. Everybody heals differently. Everybody feels differently. You don’t know what she’s going through. Yes, she puts this out here on a public blog but it’s HER blog. Maybe you’re actually concerned about her or maybe you’re just trying to be an asshole while making yourself look good, but you’ve no right making judgments until you’ve actually been where she’s at.

If you don’t like BA or how she parents then go away. She doesn’t need you.

Reply

Beth Anne February 8, 2013 at 12:36 pm

Shawna, you are amzing. So glad to have you here.

Reply

Diana February 6, 2013 at 2:34 pm

I can assure you it most certainly is supposed to be this way. For us all. It’s life. It’s motherhood. No where does it say that tough parts that drag on for weeks won’t tip you over or make you wonder what is going on. Marriage is this way. Jobs are this way. Heck, even pursuing your passion is this way. Ups and downs. Dark and light. Struggles and joy. Thank goodness for mama’s who are willing to share these parts so the rest of us can say, “Oh, me too. Me too. Thank goodness I’m not in the moments of uncertainty or laughter alone.”

Reply

Beth Anne February 6, 2013 at 2:37 pm

::slow clap for diana:: Exactly this.

What’s funny is that in therapy, we talk aobut this. It’s life & sometimes it sucks & you just roll with the punches. You know that saying “It’s always something?” I think most of us feel that way 99% of the time.

Reply

Arnebya February 6, 2013 at 2:54 pm

Respectfully, Emilie, I ask you: why not? Why isn’t it supposed to be this way? I’m like this with motherhood, but also all the other random things that go on in my life — work, marriage, my commute, grocery shopping (because seriously, is it that hard to get some good damn avocados?) I say this sncerely, this push and pull, tug of war that mothers go through? It s indeed normal and not indicative of a need for “help.” I question myself daily, get irked with my kids and husband and coworkers daily, but it’s fleeting. When we blog about things like this, you’re only getting part of the story, even as in this particular story you’re getting how BA is and then not and then is again and then isn’t, and then…bam! Flowers.

Honestly, all you really need to read is the last sentence. Trumps everything before. Everything.

Now let’s find ourselves an alarm clock that doesn’t deserve a good kick and I guarantee we’ll be on a more even keel.

Reply

Beth Anne February 6, 2013 at 2:58 pm

I shall snuggle you so hard if we ever meet in real life.

Reply

Tonya Martin February 6, 2013 at 2:21 pm

That sounds like success to me… you’re doing it right, Momma!

Reply

Beth Anne February 6, 2013 at 2:25 pm

::fist bump:: It’s getting there. Maybe one day I’ll wear sassy pink pants like you.

Reply

Robbie February 6, 2013 at 2:23 pm

This is beautifully written and I hope you realize you are doing it right…right now.

Reply

Jenn February 6, 2013 at 2:46 pm

I could have written this myself… although not as eloquently. That IS my definition of life as a working mother and wife. This is why they created wine.

Reply

Amanda Austin February 6, 2013 at 2:50 pm

Yup….sounds about right. The ups, the downs. You’re doing it right, and so am I and so are all of us :)

Reply

Lindsey February 6, 2013 at 2:56 pm

As always, I love (and completely appreciate) your honesty! Thank you for being brave enough to share the “life is hard” moments because yes, we all have them and it is so encouraging to know we’re not alone in this. And yes, wine is definitely required during potty training :)

Reply

Melissa February 6, 2013 at 3:36 pm

love this. The times I feel I’m the worst mom in history, my 1 year old waddles to see ME or my daughter just says “momma, i love you” and it hits me. To them, I’m the BEST mom in history and THAT my friend is all that matters. :)

Reply

Melinda February 6, 2013 at 3:52 pm

Oh honey. I’ve been there twice. Sat in my closet-sized bathroom for hours (literally) waiting, wishing, hoping for my kids to poop. Everyone said they stuck undies on their kid and there was never an accident. “Three day potty training is magical! You have to do it!” Nope. Not for us. I’ve hugged my kid while we both cried during particularly painful BMs.

It gets better, but the ride is rough. Hang in there, BA. Life is real, and painting and imperfect picture doesn’t mean you need help. <3

Reply

Beth Anne February 6, 2013 at 3:56 pm

THANK YOU.

I wish potty training was as magical as Pinterest promises.

Reply

Amber West February 6, 2013 at 3:58 pm

On potty training: My little guy was good at going to the potty, but he hit a wall where he became scared of pooping. It was a miserable 6-9 months (I don’t really know HOW long it was – it felt like forever). Nothing worked. I would sit on the bathroom floor while he sat on his potty crying, trying to hold it together until he went to sleep so I could cry too. It was MISERABLE. And the hubs can’t handle that kind of stress, so I had to do it myself.

There were days where what you wrote pretty much sums it all up.

Being a good mom means you have days when you doubt everything you are doing and feel like you’re failing because you CARE SO FREAKIN’ much about that little one.

You obviously do.

If loving your kid so much that the hard days are especially hard “isn’t normal”, well then, I embrace the weird.

If we are ever in the same place at the same time, we can totally discuss how hard it can be to be a mother who ::gasp:: loves her kid.

And we can do it over a glass of Syrah.

Reply

Beth Anne February 6, 2013 at 4:01 pm

I think you just won the internet today.

Reply

Margaret February 6, 2013 at 3:59 pm

I get that potty training can be hard and frustrating- if you let it get to that point. It sounds like you’re in a power struggle and the end result- him crying and opting to go to bed and you drinking wine on the floor while in the shower (really???)- doesn’t seem to be getting you anywhere. If you’re getting this worked up over potty training, how are you going to react when you’re potentially dealing with harder problems later on? I can speak from experience when I say that helping your kid poop on the toilet will feel like a walk in the park compared to the teenage years. So really, relax. Stop complaining. Enjoy those few hours a night you get with your kid rather than forcing him to sit on the toilet.

And maybe your boss doesn’t care that you drink a ton of wine on your own time. But constant twittering on the company’s time? Probably frowned upon.

Reply

Diana February 6, 2013 at 4:08 pm

I can’t even with this comment. We aren’t supposed to complain about struggles that are real and relevant NOW because at 16 our kid might have to be bailed out of jail or get caught smoking?? This puts every.single.mom in a place where you can’t ever share honestly because someone is always going to one up your story and shame your reality.

Reply

Amber West February 6, 2013 at 4:19 pm

“If you LET it get to this point.” (CAPS mine)

Seriously?

I guess you must be the expert on all things children. Please, enlighten the rest of us potty-plebes with your vast knowledge.

Every child is different. To come on here and automatically go THERE – that mother-judgement place that is all too popular nowadays – is just shameful.

I don’t know what it is about the internet that has turned so many moms into judgement wielding harpies, but wow. Just wow. Motherhood isn’t a cakewalk. We should be supporting each other and showing kindness.

See, interwebs, this is why you can’t have nice things…

Reply

Margaret February 6, 2013 at 9:21 pm

So, if I disagree with something on the internet, I’m not supposed to say something? I guess we’re only supposed to comment when it’s all “ohmygod, thank you for this post, I sooo needed this today”? Just want to make sure I’m using proper blog etiquette.

FWIW, I don’t think I was being a “judgement wielding harpie.” I’m sure most people will agree that the moment you get in a power struggle with your kid, you’re screwed. And BA has said that Harrison hasn’t had any trouble at school so I assume this is more of a problem at home, with her.

Also, if I freak out over something that, in the grand scheme of things isn’t really that big of a deal, my friends call me on it. They don’t shove rainbows up my ass and thank me for “speaking so honestly.” They remind me that this trouble and frustration will pass and that I need to relax. Sometimes you just need to hear it.

Reply

Kate February 7, 2013 at 8:02 am

This ^^

Reply

Beth Anne February 6, 2013 at 4:14 pm

Ditto Diana. What is the point of shaming the struggles a mother of a 3-year-old is going through?

Hard is hard.

Your hard doesn’t mean that my hard isn’t hard.

My hard in 15 years doesn’t mean that my hard now isn’t hard.

That’s like telling someone, “Don’t be happy! Someone could be happier than you!” which just sounds ridiculous.

See also: Showering & wine? Multitasking at it’s best! Like drinking coffee on the morning commute!

See also: The last hour of mega-tweeting has been my lunch break while I wait on content. So, you know.

Reply

Heather February 6, 2013 at 4:00 pm

And this is why I LOVE YOUR BLOG, BA. You don’t sugarcoat it, you are 100% you & YOU, my friend, are a REAL person. I honestly hate reading people’s blogs that only write about the unicorns & rainbows & puppies & flowers moments, because that’s just not the reality of it, is it? My life certainly isn’t a fairytale every moment of every day. You are doing just fine, keep it up Momma!

Reply

Julia February 6, 2013 at 4:15 pm

I don’t even know you, but came over from Diana’s twitter account. I am not a mother, but have nannied for many years and loved those kids as if they were my own. And I never understand why other people, mother’s especially have the feeling that they can come out and criticize other mothers (and based on one blog post at that!) Life is tough and everyone has different experiences. I just hate the ugliness and wish we could all receive support rather than judgement. Sending love and good potty ytraining vibes. Xo.

Reply

Audrey February 6, 2013 at 4:19 pm

The idea that we can’t complain or feel discouraged about the stage of parenting that we’re because a tougher stage might come is ludicrous. Every stage was its good moments and bad. We all have good days and bad. I have felt the same way before, BA. Parenting is a roller coaster. You can go from feeling awesome to feeling like you have no idea what you’re doing in no time. Also, I’m horribly afraid to start potty training. I refuse to believe that some pin about doing it in one day will work!

Good luck and don’t worry, he’ll get it before college. ;)

Reply

Katherine February 6, 2013 at 4:22 pm

Please! Perfect moms everywhere! Gather round and give us loser moms that “complain,” drink, tweet, cry, etc. all of your advice and tips on how to do this as good as you do with a smile on our face and sugar pouring from our arses. I’d really love to hear MOAR.

BA, in the meantime, until we learn all of their secrets, keep on keeping on, girl. You’re not alone.

Signed,
Proud and AWESOME mom (who drinks, cries, complains, tweets, and LOVES) of two boys

Reply

Katie February 18, 2013 at 9:40 pm

Even Perfect Moms have nights where a glass of wine is much appreciated and parts of motherhood they cringe through. The only difference between the Perfect Moms and everyone else is the Perfect Moms don’t talk about it in public. I think we’ve gotten so used to seeing the glossy, Pinterestified lives of mothers that any hint of the less than glowing and blissful part of parenting is viewed as something bad or even as a failure. When “arts and crafts aren’t my thing, and potty training is a bitch” is considered a statement that you’re a miserable drunkard of a mother who hates her life, I think that says a lot about how removed our expectations have gotten from reality.

Reply

R's Mom February 6, 2013 at 4:22 pm

Potty training was easy for us (my son is also 3…about 2 months younger than Harrison, I think). BUT, we are having a terrible time getting R to stop thumb sucking. His dentist has noticed that it is pretty dramatically shifting his teeth, even at this young age. The one thing I have noticed however (and I think this might be applicable to you & H with the potty training) is that the more we focus on the thumb sucking, the worse it gets. It’s definitely a power struggle. So we’re just having to step back for a bit. I read that for a child that age to adopt a habit, it has to be his choice. I would think that would apply to using the potty as well. H most likely will not go to kindergarten in diapers. So maybe if you just took a step back, it would ease your stress and his. Because while motherhood is hard, it just doesn’t seem like this needs to be the kind of thing that sends you quivering and crying to the shower. I don’t mean that critically at all…it just made me a little sad to sense that the potty training struggle was getting to you to such an extent that it was causing that kind of reaction & frustration in you. He will get it eventually…but it will more likely come from peer pressure at daycare, as opposed to him sensing that it’s a battle of wills with you. Good luck!!

Reply

Rebecca February 6, 2013 at 4:33 pm

Haters gon hate.

See also: some bitches have too much time on their hands. Maybe they should be taking care of their children instead of leaving nasty comments on fabulous blogs.

Reply

Kate February 6, 2013 at 5:09 pm

Rally the troops y’all! Somebody had the audacity to do something other than spew rainbows &puppies in the comments! The “nasty comments” I’m seeing are coming mostly from her supporters, the “haters” seem to be expressing some genuine concern.

Reply

Emilie February 6, 2013 at 5:14 pm

Last time, her supporters were saying “you’re doin a great job! You’re my idol!” Right up until she posted about fantasies of her kid dying.

Reply

Christina February 6, 2013 at 6:54 pm

I don’t think that anyone that agrees with you or disagrees you can be defined as a supporter or a non supporter. I’ve followed BA’s blog since about 4 months pre-Harry. I posted with her on the bump. I’ve agreed with her, I’ve disagreed with her, I’ve told her flat out when I think she’s being foolish, brave, immature, honest, dramatic, underappreciated, exaggerated, or just plain silly. I gave her a lot of shit during her “mcfatty monday” days because I wanted more out of that group than I got. I almost quit her blog over hamsters.
at the end of the day? I’m another mom, with my own struggles, my own business, my own curtain drama, my own 3&5 year old and their multitudes of simultaneous hilarity and assholery.
But to blanket categorize me as some asskiss follower too afraid to speak my mind? I call bull shit on you. Because if there is one thing I’ve remained on here it’s opinionated, for , against and alone.

You’re not a hero for being a vomitous snatch today. You won’t be accredited with your call-out-full-frontal-attack-labeled-as-honest-concern. You’ll go down as being a nasty bitch, because instead of thinking, articulating and composing a well thought out post that doesn’t rehash one of the worst moments of BA’s personal HELL, you’ve done the opposite in a critical, judgmental, poorly thought out manner.
You believe that BA is a bad mom and has a drinking problem and has no focus on her child.
You can believe those things to your grave someday, but to call her out on them in such a tactless way? Get over yourself.

Signed,
Intelligent, articulate, neurotic, stressed out, happy, sad, learning as I go, proud mother of 2, reader of blogs, commenter of blogs, friend to all moms, enemy of all assholes,
Christina.

Reply

Emilie February 6, 2013 at 8:02 pm

Hey, bonzer. Remember when you said BA was being a bad mom for letting her kid watch DVDs in the car?

BA, how’d it work out the other times your friends brought concerns to you? I can think of 2 IRL friends you cut out of your life after they talked to you. Notice how the only people supporting you here have NEVER met you or seen you interact with H?

Reply

Beth Anne February 6, 2013 at 8:53 pm

Christina didn’t say I was a bad mom on here. She said that it wasn’t something she would choose to do & respectfully stated her difference of opinion. When we have a serious difference of opinion, we email or take a break from each other.

You could learn something from her.

Reply

Christina February 6, 2013 at 9:46 pm

Please don’t do that. don’t be creepy and refer to me by a screen name that I used 2 years ago. Or reference a specific post (nowhere did I call BA a bad mom, I just said it was convenience parenting and really not my scene) from 18 months ago that you’ve cited to memory for no reason other than ammunition. Don’t do that. Seriously. It’s creepy and it’s making me feel like you’re maybe projecting some of your personal insanity on the rest of us. :::: shudder:::

Reply

Christina February 6, 2013 at 9:46 pm

That reply was to Emilie, not you BA! Not sure why it posted like that!

Reply

Courtney Anne February 8, 2013 at 2:48 pm

Oh you mean we’re not supposed to put 2 and 2 together and realize you were quite the asshole on The Bump and didn’t always express yourself so eloquently? I think Emile has made several valid points but you stoop as low as the rest of them to call her a snatch. Very articulate.

Reply

Morgan (The818) February 6, 2013 at 9:52 pm

I support BA, think what she’s discussing here is totally normal, and I have had quite extensive real-life interactions with her. She’s pretty awesome.

Reply

KeAnne February 6, 2013 at 11:33 pm

I’ve met BA. Several times. No ass kissing going on here. I get that you have concerns and that is laudible. However, being an asshole does nothing for your case. You’ve moved from raising concerns to being flippant & insulting. Why do you think such comments will move anyone?

Reply

Beth Anne February 6, 2013 at 8:54 pm

Bravo.

Reply

Beth Anne February 6, 2013 at 5:21 pm

If you have genuine concern, I’d love for you to email me so we can talk about it.

ba.ballance@gmail.com

Reply

Amber West February 6, 2013 at 6:01 pm

Respectfully, I don’t spew rainbows and puppies. (I have a sore throat as it is, and if spewing rainbows is anything like choking on a Skittle, I’ll pass.)

I felt the need to say something because there are comments here that, in my mind, have been hurtful. The statements being made are full of judgement and really don’t appear to be coming from a good place.

So, as a mom, that gets my back up.

I don’t know BA well at all. I read her blog on occasion. I’m not invested in who likes her, agrees with her, etc. It is entirely possible, or even probable, that we have very different views and opinions on all sorts of things.

But…what I do think I can see is that she is a mom who is trying. She is giving it her all. And hey, if you don’t want to cheer for her, that’s your business. But for people to come in here, for other moms to come in here and make things worse, I’m just left wondering why?

What comes of that? Why come on here, hiding behind faceless/unlinked avatars to make someone feel badly about having a bad day? What does a person get out of that?

If I was concerned after reading this, I’d find a way to get in touch with BA personally. I’d offer encouragement. I wouldn’t blast her for honestly expressing herself on HER OWN blog.

That’s not concern. That’s being a troll.

Reply

Emilie February 6, 2013 at 8:05 pm

The only people supporting her here are strangers she’s nver met. 2 IRL friends have voiced concerns over the years (2 that I know of, anyway) and she doesn’t speak to them anymore. She has a blog and twitter so people tell her what she wants to hear. Not fair to H.

Reply

Amber West February 6, 2013 at 8:43 pm

So says you. The anonymous avatar.

And maybe that’s true. I can’t know. Because I don’t know BA face-to-face.

And yet…

I’ve never called any of MY IRL acquaintances or friends out in front of others. Because that isn’t love, or concern. That’s a very disturbed cry for attention.

I don’t know you. But you should know that this image you are putting out here of yourself isn’t a pretty one. It makes you sound like someone who has some deep grudge you hold against BA. You claim to know her. And maybe you do. But if you really truly cared, what you are doing here is NOT the way to go about it. It accomplishes absolutely nothing.

And maybe you think you care. And if that’s the case, I tell YOU this out of concern – this isn’t the way. If you think it is, get help. Because beating someone down in front of others is just bullying. And small. And cruel.

I don’t say this to defend BA necessarily – I get the sense that she can do a great job of that on her own – but more because I am sick of cowardly people using the internet to spout off cruelty under the guise of “being real” or concern.

Reply

Beth Anne February 6, 2013 at 8:52 pm

Actually Emilie, several of my “IRL” friends commented in here.

What do you hope to accomplish here? You say that you know me in real life. Again, I ask that if you are a friend with true concerns, please call or email me.

If you don’t, I’m assume that you’re a troll, only here to try & sound important while being unnecessarily rude.

& when you do email me, please name these two friends. Because I can only think of one friend that I had a huge falling out with & have never spoken to again & it wasn’t over her voicing concerns for my behavior.

Reply

@LisainLouKY February 6, 2013 at 4:44 pm

Seriously, if you haven’t had ::THOSE:: days before, you should probably try telling your kid no every once in a while. Because they are people…little people, but they have good and bad days every day. I am raising my husband’s nephew as our own. The child is the most strong-willed little person I’ve ever met in my life. He had me in absolute tears last night. To the point, that I snuck out of our house while my husband was “dealing” with him. I just couldn’t anymore. His tantrums lead to the husband and I fighting. It’s just TOO much. If I were a drinker, I would have poured myself about three and passed out some where.

Hang in there, BA! You are a great voice to many Mammas out there who feel like they are doing something wrong!!

Reply

Robin S/ @fromarobinsnest February 6, 2013 at 4:51 pm

Seriously?!?! People are Ridiculous!!!! I saw diana’s tweet & expected to see some controversial post… I SO wish i could have wine after some of my tornado of a (almost) 3 y/o daughters antics (its a migraine trigger for me, big huge boo). So NOT a drinking problem. So NOT wasting company time by posting a quick tweet– its like making a comment to a co-worker! Ugh. I admire that you put it all out there, it makes mamas like myself realize we aren’t alone in our daily struggles. I may be moving to raleigh this summer, & totally want a play date, lol!
Also, my nephew is 4 & has had bm issues since birth… Prune juice in bottles (yes, gasp! Bottles…), daily miralax now, only certain juices, visits to a pediatric gi… I’ve heard about all of it from my poor SIL. So so sorry for your struggles– its sounds to me like it’s a more common problem than you’d think (just not commonly discussed)! I’d imagine you have or will help some poor mama at her wits end with the same issue…
Keep your head held high Mama, you’re awesome!!!

Reply

davis ann February 6, 2013 at 4:54 pm

girl. i don’t even HAVE kids and i often end up in the shower with a glass of wine.

in fact. that sounds nice…

Reply

Beth Anne February 6, 2013 at 5:00 pm

It is so nice.

People drink wine in the bathtub. Why not the shower?

Reply

Cara February 7, 2013 at 4:18 pm

I prefer wine in the bath, beer in the shower. The can (or bottle) fits nicely in the shower caddy.

Reply

The Many Thoughts of a Reader February 7, 2013 at 10:08 pm

me too.. wine just doesn’t seem right in there.. but beer or a margarita.. yes please!

Reply

Amy February 11, 2013 at 3:10 pm

I wish there was a like button for this comment!

Reply

Nancy February 6, 2013 at 4:59 pm

Let’s see – 20 years ago (and even laonger) mothers had these same conversations, same concerns and same frustrations. The only difference is that the conversations were held in a circle of close friends over coffee/wine/ and possibly cigarettes at the kitchen table. They were doing the best they could at the time and turning to each other for support. Most of us turned out ok, despite the caffeine/alcohol and tobacco.

The difference now is that the kitchen table has expanded to the web and the trolls feel free to weigh in and be judgmental, because your life is not being lived according to their plans. Many things drive people to frustration – and many of us have cried in the shower – with or without a glass of wine. For those that don’t understand the concept of empathy – please find yourselves a dictionary.

I say bravo, Beth Anne, there is little doubt in my mind that Hibby feels very loved and that you are doing everything that you can to make his life the best it can be. The mere fact that you are aware enough to question if what you are doing is “right” for your son tells me you are a fabulous mother. ::Raising my glass of Cab in toast::

Reply

Robyn February 6, 2013 at 5:03 pm

As a first time mom to a 7-week-old I completely appreciate posts like this. Motherhood is the hardest journey I have ever been on. I didn’t expect it to be all hearts and flowers all of the time, but I also didn’t expect to be bawling my eyes out at 3am and wondering what the hell I had done! Yesterday I literally screamed as loud as I could as I was trying to get my babe down for a nap for about the millionth time. Does this make me a bad mother? I don’t think so…I think it makes me a human. It’s no easy feat to abandon our own needs for those of another especially when there’s so much pressure to be able to “do it all.” I am so grateful that you keep it real. In the blog world, it’s so easy to represent life as idyllic because we choose what to share. Am I really going to post of picture of myself in my robe with spit up down the front, dark circles under my eyes and bedhead like you wouldn’t believe? Heck no! But I’ll certainly post the picture of myself with makeup, hair, real clothes and a big smile. While I am an avid follower of many blogs, there are times that I can’t help but wonder whether mothers are really doing themselves a disservice by following these seemingly perfect tales of motherhood. Bravo to you for being brave enough to tell the truth.

Reply

Robyn February 6, 2013 at 5:05 pm

P.S. I cannot WAIT for my first glass of wine or hard cider. Counting the days…

Reply

Andi February 7, 2013 at 6:13 pm

I agree ^^… my son is 5 months old and, while I love him to death, there are days when I just want to run out of the house screaming. Honestly, I don’ t know any mothers who haven’t felt the way BA does. There are going to be good days and bad days – it’s just life. I love the honesty! It makes me feel like I am not so alone – even though I am new at this. I’d rather hear honesty than listen to some of the people whose blogs I read that just talk about how amazing their lives are. I think my life is pretty amazing, too, but there are days when I question everything and just want to run away.

Robyn – soon enough, your baby will start going to bed earlier and you can have wine. It’s pretty magical the first night you can do that :)

Reply

Jill @BabyRabies February 6, 2013 at 5:19 pm

For crying out loud, people! “Send more wine” is like the universal mom bloggers bat call. Potty training IS hell. Life as a mom, can lead to drinking. All of that is NORMAL. For many of us. I can’t with the internet commenters on white horses anymore.

Reply

jennifer February 6, 2013 at 5:21 pm

I dont know about anyone else (or much about mothering since i’ve clocked a whopping three years), but i do know this. I’m just surviving as best i can everyday, and with that struggle in mind, I couldnt imagine facilitating that kind of doubt in another mother. i’ve always been of pretty sound mind, and my son can have me comtemplating the point of it all on his worst day and thanking the good lord for this life over and over on his best. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be…how else are we supposed to grow as women, as mothers if we arent tested now and again? How are we EVER supposed to know what we are really capable of until someone knocks us down on our knees, pulls the rug from under us, and then we rise again. maybe it’s not that big for some people (maybe it is), but to me, parenting is this cyclical thing that rises and falls, and all i know is i need all the help i can get…and that may mean it comes from a Tbox from target…and some damn cupcakes.

Reply

Jill @BabyRabies February 6, 2013 at 5:24 pm

And by “lead to drinking” I mean A glass of wine at night before you pass out and start all over the next day. WE HAVE VERY HEALTHY HEARTS.

Reply

Beth Anne February 6, 2013 at 5:25 pm

I mean, as long as it’s red wine.

Reply

KeAnne February 6, 2013 at 5:37 pm

Jesus Christ, people. First of all, there is some serious over-analysis of tweets going on. It’s 140 characters! It’s snark & exaggeration & commiseration. It’s reality & connection & a quick blowing off of steam. Don’t think you know someone based on a tweet stream.

Secondly, the reason people are often shocked about what parenting is like is because none of the hard parts were ever talked about except in hushed whispers or around kitchen tables. It was glossed over in books, seldom discussed in parenting classes. The picture presented was that mothers (almost always mothers) are saintly beings with infinite patience who know exactly what to do in every situation and that motherhood is always roses and sunshine. And when we discover it isn’t? That’s when we begin to question ourselves and begin to doubt. Thoughts like, “what’s wrong with me? what am I doing wrong?” creep in. To me, these types of posts are the beauty and the power in blogging: truth telling. Myth busting. Yes, the highs are high, but there can be some awful lows. There can be awesome days and days you think your child is a budding psychopath. I want to read posts by other moms who struggle and admit it. I have a 3-year-old and three is hard! I often don’t know what the hell I’m doing and want to know that other moms feel the same way.

Diatribe over. BA, while we miraculously had few issues w/ potty training, 3 has been very hard for us in many other ways. I empathize and I have found myself in tears at least once a week the past few weeks after putting D to bed.

Reply

Beth Anne February 6, 2013 at 5:40 pm

How I am so thankful to have you as a friend.

Truth telling. Myth busting. Letting other folks know they’re not alone. The cry for help is that motherhood is some hard shit but we do it because we have to & because we love those little nuggets & in the end, it is worth it.

Reply

christina February 6, 2013 at 5:39 pm

Our 3 year old ended up at Albany Medical center because he refused to poop for 2.5 weeks and was so grossly impacted with stool that they though he had intussusception. He was just really badly constipated.
Potty training is stressful. Working is stressful. Prioritizing is imperative. Curtains and paint colors are an awesome outlet and a distraction and as a fellow sufferer or seasonal depression, literally one of my ONLY outlets of staying sane when I have to stare at the same windows, walls and tiles all day, and night. Especially in the bathroom. Especially while wiping piss off them.
I get it. And I don’t. And I’m not going to try to. I know that you struggle. We all do. I know that you put it all out there. we all DON’T. I don’t have twitter. I don’t have 140 characters of crap to spew every few hours. Also, if I did, it would be what I’m defined as, like you’re being accused of being a wine-o, or a whine-o. I don’t even know which. What I know is this

You’ve changed your blog. You’ve let your hair down. You have less blog pressure on you. You have the urge to connect with people. You are a people person. You are trying to get to that ONE mom and let them know it will be okay. In that process you attract a lot of negativity. It’s normal.

I said it a long time ago. Keep some of this stuff closer to the vest. I know there’s a certain amount of “anonymity” in being able to vent about parenting, pooping, and all that shit to people that DON’T know you, so that when you are spending time with your IRL people you can talk about adult stuff… but it’s not always worth it. It’s not always the outlet you think it will be.

Potty training gets better. The days are getting longer. The house is gorgeous as it is, so please just enjoy it until your first Spring there and THEN see where the light hits certain walls and which part of the yard is the shadiest, and THEN pick different paint, or curtains.

Maybe you and Harry should try and find swimming again.. you both really seemed to get something out of that, it’ll get you away from the house a bit, it’ll tire him out some, it’s not a tv, and unfortunately the pool water isn’t vodka ;) but it might be good. Hang in there. We all have our struggles. We just aren’t honest about them out loud.

Reply

Beth Anne February 6, 2013 at 5:41 pm

::fist bump::

Reply

Kim February 6, 2013 at 6:07 pm

Sidebar: NY? Can we commiserate? Cause me too. And I’m in agreement with everything you just said here and how you expressed it.

Reply

Ashlee February 6, 2013 at 6:14 pm

Ashlee @bluewonderland333
I need a glass of wine after reading some of these judgmental comments! Oh how my blood boils & my heart hurts at the same time! I think it’s sad that people would rather spew meanness & judgement over kindness & support! Who are we to judge what someone else’s “hard” is, if someone should be tweeting at work, or the state of someone else’s heart or mind, because they like a glass of wine or two?!?!?! How about, stop being an ass-hat long enough to realize; the value & strength in raw & honest posts about the difficulties & triumphs in life! Life, parenthood especially, is not a perfect picture we can pin on Pinterest for others to follow, it’s just not & anyone who acts like it is, or judges someone by their “imperfect pin”, is a lying liar! Parenthood is messy, scary, hard, claw your eyes out exhausting, beautiful, rewarding, perfectly imperfect… When someone puts their perfectly imperfect life out there, whether its to give support, receive support or just to have a voice, why judge them? That says so much more about you, then it does the person who is being brave enough to share their heart unfiltered. Don’t be the ass-hat that makes a person wonder, if they should be true or edit their heart before sharing! And BA, can I just say; Thank you! Thank you for being real, for being honest, for being brave, for sharing your life, the good & the ugly. Although my story & my journey is much different then yours, it is because of you, my “hard things” , have been made a little easier & a little less lonely. Thank you for being brave enough to share your voice, your struggles & your victories, thank you for reminding people like me, that sometimes it’s ok not to be ok, its ok to do things different, and that having a hard day or a hard time, doesn’t make us any less of a person or parent. Thank you for sharing your smiles & tears, your triumphs & frustrations, & the joy & pain of parenting & of life. I truly admire you! Oh & one more thing- I think you are a damn awesome mom! Harry is just as lucky to have you, as you are to have him! Thank you for sharing you & your true to life experiences, in a world that sometimes hides & is silenced behind the edited version. It’s not easy but, you got this!

Reply

Megan O February 8, 2013 at 12:16 pm

For Real. I keep asking myself how in this day and age, some mom’s can still be so judgemental. What works for one, doesn’t necessarily work for others. And that’s okay.

Some of these women make my anxiety level go through the roof…more than my three year old’s daily rage-fest.

How lovely and perfect thier live’s must be :)

Reply

Tina February 6, 2013 at 9:37 pm

I have been reading your blog since early in your pregnancy. I have a daughter born 3 weeks after Harrison. I have never commented, but I have noticed a trend on comments over the years. You act as though you are graciously handling negative criticism, but your responses seem more like a call to rouse the troops. It works most of the time, with the original commentor sent packing as the wolves circle. A simple “Thanks for your opinion.” would sufficiently stop the negativity in its tracks. I guess it’s just always made me wonder if you feed off of all the comments defending your parenting/mental health/family life/ etc. I hope that’s not the case and rather you just can’t resist responding, but maybe you should try a different tack instead of letting the shit-stirrers start stirring. It all just seems like the Internet mean girl nonsense you’ve claimed you were over.

That said, potty training isn’t easy but I found forcing my daughter to sit on the potty for hours did the exact opposite of what I wanted. She wanted nothing to do with the potty. She is also a very stubborn strong willed kid. What finally worked for us was no more diapers- at all! Pull ups at bedtime only, and if you crap in your pants you can sit in it until I’m done with what I am doing. It sounds really harsh, but sitting in soiled underwear for 5 minutes hit home pretty quick. We still have accidents sometimes, but we try to rush her to the potty and if she gets any in, we praise and dance and talk about it all day. If you leave him sitting on the potty for an hour he’s certainly not going to tell you he has to poop and end up back there for God knows how long. Hope this helps.

Reply

Beth Anne February 7, 2013 at 10:06 am

Hey, Tina!

I promise you that it’s not a rouse to call the troops. If I wanted to “call the troops,” I’d put out an all points bulletin on Facebook, Twitter, etc. It’s truthfully just a nasty character flaw of mine that I can’t help responding (like here. oy!). In a weird way, it just feels like having a conversation. Like…if you were to say something really long in person & they just replied, “Thanks for your opinion,” it would be super awkward. Or at least it would feel awkward to me. Also, it just REALLY digs under my skin when someone comes anonymously on my blog with a fake email, etc. & pretends to know me in real life, make all kinds of passive agressive insinuations, but then refuses to email me to talk about it personally. (Like Emilie above.) I honestly didn’t think Emilie was shit-stirring in her first comment, nor did I think I was stirring in my response to her. I’m not exactly sure where it took off, but it definitely wasn’t in the first exchange. If I’d known at the beginning that she was a troll, I would have simply deleted her comment or not responded.

I admit that I do tend to put my kene-jerk reactions on Twitter & I’m going to work on that. Biting my tongue is not my strong suit.

Reply

Wendy February 6, 2013 at 9:38 pm

Lovely post. You’re a wonderful writer. I think some of these commenters could benefit from a glass of wine.

Reply

Stephani February 6, 2013 at 9:42 pm

First time commenter (but long time reader) here. And although I’d hoped my first BA comment would be a bit more profound, and make me seem like a super cool momma, instead, it’s this: BA, if you’re a drunk, God bless ya for going running after your “binges” because ladies, running sucks, and if she’s pulling off drunken (or hungover) runs, and working, and keeping her kid alive, and her husband happy, well, you give new meaning to the term “functioning alcoholic.” As it is, I’m going to go ahead and say I doubt that’s the case.

P.S. Since I’m actually going through with writing my first comment, guess I’ll throw in a big “thank you” for your honest and raw posts – had a mis in early December and re-reading your stuff from that time in your life helped – even made me feel like moments of weakness (like drinking an extra glass of red wine after my three year old went to bed) didn’t make me a monster, or a loser. So thanks for that.

Reply

Morgan (The818) February 6, 2013 at 9:53 pm

My bedroom is yellow and grey and there is nothing more zen. DO IT.

Reply

Alicia February 6, 2013 at 10:33 pm

I know you’ve probably heard this 100 thousand times, but I promise he’ll get the potty training as soon as he is ready. My son was the last in his daycare “class” and I was feeling so bad about myself. Then I remembered the middle school kiddos I teach and how every single one of them is potty trained (or at least, they do a pretty good job of making me think they are potty trained). My son woke up one day (at 39 months old) and decided he wanted to be potty trained for good. It took a day to get to 100% potty trained. If we ever have another child, I swear I’m going to not worry about it and let nature take its course.

And girl, my nightly glass of wine or two is one of my favorite parts of the day. :)

Reply

melissa February 6, 2013 at 10:34 pm

I think I need wine after reading all these comments. I’ve read your blog for a long time, the first blog I ever read actually. And in the last 3 years there have been things I’ve thought, holy hell I can’t believe she said that. But you know what? You’re being honest, sometimes I want to say man my 3 year old was a dick today and almost every mom would agree the age of 3 is shitty. Then there’s mom of the year over there in the corner, polishing her trophy and clutching her pearls because she would never say that out loud, but you could never convince me she hadn’t thought it at some point. So even though I don’t agree with everything you write (if I did that’d be creepy anyway right?) Thank you for at least always being honest and real because if it was all puppies and unicorns over here I would have stopped reading a long time ago.

Reply

Molly February 7, 2013 at 1:20 am

1. These comments are comical.
2. I have the yellow and grey in my bedroom and I honestly don’t love it. I think I picked a yellow that is too pale and the grey too light. If I had it to do over again I would choose a bolder set of colors.
3. My Gracie is a few weeks younger than Harrison. Potty training for us has been easy peasy…BUT, I am still putting diapers/pull ups on her for naptime and bedtime. She has NEVER had a dry diaper in the morning and still has wet/dirty diapers after a 2 hour nap everyday. And ya know what? WHO CARES. If I’m changing her diaper until she’s 4 that’s OK. It’s just not that big of a deal. My mother in law gave me the best advice when I had Gracie 3 years ago. “Don’t sweat the small stuff that seems so big at the time. Try to keep things in perspective.” And I tried to do that with potty training. I hope that encourages your heart!!!! Keep your chin up buttercup. Our babies will stop pooping on themselves eventually! Ha!

Reply

Brandy February 7, 2013 at 2:32 am

::eye twitches:: @these comments. Have MERCY.
I’m glad to read this. And not in a misery loves company way, because I’m not miserable and I don’t think BA is either. We all have bad days. Parenting is HARD and its CONSTANT.
I don’t think its very kind or helpful to berate a mom for being honest. She loves her kid. We all love our kids.
Personally, between August and October, I very dramatically lost my job of almost 5 years, made the decision to stay home, turned a hobby into a work-from-home thing, pulled my son from daycare, then got pregnant. And in this 180, I’ve had bad. effing. days.
Its bad enough, the SELF doubt, the SELF IMPOSED guilt. The “I’m a lucky bitch to be blessed with this baby(ies) and this home and this life and here I am running to the bathtub with a towel in one hand and a wine bottle in the other approximately 42 seconds after my husbands car pulls into the driveway jesus I’m such an ungrateful cunt” feelings. Its awful. I think it DOES take balls to put that shit out there. To say “Hey, other moms, this phase of parenting is like being waterboarded with piss and vinegar. I’m not going to pretend like it doesn’t suck. I love this kid and would lay in traffic for him but he makes me want to give myself a hysterectomy with a gravy ladle this week”
I don’t think having these feelings is a sign she’s slipping back into a dark space necessarily. I’m sure anything this personal she tells us, her therapist has already heard. I don’t think she’s an alcoholic. If a glass of wine in the bathtub is all it takes for her to come down from the high stress atmosphere of battling a strong willed 3 year old into crapping in a bucket,(which, come on, imagine tomorrow your boss told you you had to start crapping your pants forever. Think that would be an easy transition for you?) then by God let her have it. Shes not losing her shit and smacking him around or screaming at him. Shes not giving up and letting him shit hisself right on into high school. She’s not throwing her hands up and just letting a nanny deal with it. Shes being a hands on parent and its hard and its not all refrigerator masterpieces and snuggles in footie pajamas.
Anyway, enough of my ramblings. Maybe some people being stabby on here are just being so because they had bad days with their kids and are taking it out on bloggers because maybe bless-their-hearts they only have stepford friends who really DO put on the front that parenting is tra lala and any hint of it being otherwise is CLUTCH MY PEARLS IN HORROR worthy of excommunicating your negative nancy ass from playgroup.
Just keep swimmin’ BA.

Reply

Katie February 7, 2013 at 3:37 am

… this!!

Reply

Evy February 7, 2013 at 9:43 am

I am the mom of 2 boys ages 21 & 19. One potty trained easy the other not so easy.
When my oldest was in head start age 4ish, some one asked his teacher the hardest age to parent a child. (the teacher had teenagers) Her response was whatever age they are now. I would agree with that, toddler is hard with potty training and all of the testing the limits. 21 is hard because they don’t check in often enough to know if they are still alive. I wouldn’t change any of it.
On the potty training – a friend discover dairy was an issue for her son when she tried to potty train. Once she stopped the dairy, he caught on quickly and everyone was much happier. He is in high school now and has dairy again in his life. It was just a little change like that.
I am glad to know I am not the only mom ever to want a drink after a rough day.

Reply

FiddleDeeAshley February 7, 2013 at 11:42 am

Listen, all I want to know out of this is how you drink wine in the shower without water getting in the glass. Because I LOATHE our bathtub in this rental house and refuse to soak in the tub. And I miss my wine/bubble bath time. So, if I can shower/wine, I will. But, seriously, how do you not get watered-down wine? I’m about ready to hijack a sippy cup if I have to.

Reply

Beth Anne February 7, 2013 at 11:47 am

YES.

This is the more important thing that people have skipped over.

Here’s the deal – I HATE baths. I think they’re gross & the water gets cold & until they devise a bathtub made out of memory foam, it’s just not comfortable. Especially being this damn tall & I’m all folded like a pretzel just so my legs don’t have to dangle over the sides. So I prefer showers as my relaxation. Like, I’m happy or sad or tired or stressed? HOT SHOWER. Some people soak in a bathtub at the end of a long day. I sit on the floor of a shower. Same thing.

I just had a basic stemless wine glass but you’re right, it was a challenge to keep the water out. I think the most important thing is to keep the wine out of the shower until you’re done rinsing off all the soap so you don’t have soapy wine.

I’m digging the sippy cup idea.

Reply

Brandy February 7, 2013 at 12:27 pm
Beth Anne February 7, 2013 at 3:02 pm

YES.

Reply

Katie February 18, 2013 at 9:44 pm

Conversely, you can use one of your kid’s $5 plastic sippy cups. No shame!

Reply

Katie February 7, 2013 at 7:43 pm

BA – I think you and I have very similar bathroom renovation dreams. I’m going to take a wild guess that your dream master suite would have a huge carrara marble subway tile and glassed-in shower with a heated floor and bench, all the bells and whistles, rain shower, steam shower and multiple jets, a ledge for your shower products and more importantly, your wine glass. … oh man. well, that’s (one of many of) my dream shower reno. I may need to stop watching so much HGTV …

What about this for a shower friendly wine glass? — http://www.cuppow.com — I have a slight obsession with canning jars as barware.

Reply

Suz February 7, 2013 at 12:44 pm

As someone proud to call BA an IRL friend, I read this well written post yesterday & came back to it this morning after a rough over night of parenting my duo. I came back to reread & know I’m not alone going through the ups & downs of first time motherhood.
BA, let’s meet for margaritas again soon. Sounds like we both need it!

Reply

Beth Anne February 7, 2013 at 3:02 pm

Thank you, Suz!! YES. Margs soon. The last GNO pretty much fell through with only 4 of us there!

Reply

Suz February 7, 2013 at 12:48 pm

PS, I loathe baths too. Sitting in your own dirt, gross. Steaming up & letting your stress & dirt roll down the drain, best thing ever to this new mommy. I’ve never done wine in the shower, but I love this idea & that glass Brandy suggested!

Reply

Amy February 7, 2013 at 1:31 pm

Love! Wine in the shower sounds heavenly, except I don’t drink wine. I wish the cupcakes were for you too. The time will come. Love you!

Reply

Margaret February 7, 2013 at 1:46 pm

Beth Anne, let’s pretend for a minute that you’re 15 years old. You’re a little insecure, eager to fit in- most teens are. Now let’s imagine that you find your mom’s diary. You begin to read little details of her sex life with your dad, how she “bled like a stuck pig” when she had her period, that she shoved her “face parts” full of Bojangles and worst of all, had nights where she downed wine because the hour and half spent with you was so damn frustrating. I’d bet you be horrified.

Now here’s the thing- this isn’t a hypothetical for Harrison. You’ve put these things out for the WORLD to see. That shit is out there forever. So when Harrison comes home and slams his bedroom door and screams that he hates you because his friends found that little tidbit about you punishing him by forcing him to sit in his own poop for the whole car ride home, I hope you find comfort in your internet friends that defended you years before.

I get it, mothering is hard. But putting every nitty gritty detail out there isn’t necessary. There is a way to share and commiserate while protecting the future relationship with your son.

Reply

Kellie February 7, 2013 at 2:10 pm

I am a new reader and after reading some of these comments all I can think is geez, do people have a sense of humor anymore? I even say I need a drink and I really don’t drink because I have some weird allergies (sucks yes, but I have come to terms with it ;)). Maybe people don’t get sarcastic humor or appreciate the ramblings (meant in a nice way) of a mom who had a frustrating day? Motherhood can be tough….and it can be unbelievably amazing…but I know you know that! And there is always the fact that if someone doesn’t like a blog then they certainly don’t have to read it.

Reply

besszilla February 7, 2013 at 3:22 pm

I love this space and hate it for you when people come along and muck it up. There’s nothing worse that admitting something is hard and having people look at you like you have two heads or telling you flat out it isn’t. We’ve been on many of the same paths over the last few years. I appreciate your honesty, in some ways its made me more honest and accepting of myself. The love you have for Harrison is obvious and perfect, it doesn’t have to fit into someone else’s idea of what motherhood looks like. And in a few months I am sure I’ll be raising a glass or a beer bottle to you in the shower, cause that’s not new to me, just on hold till May.

Reply

Erin February 7, 2013 at 7:33 pm

How in the world did this become a controversial post? You just described life with a preschooler perfectly and you did so eloquently and with grace. Some people have far too much time on their hands and far to much ugliness in their hearts. Thank you for sharing. I love your writing.

Reply

Ashley Gurski February 7, 2013 at 8:07 pm

Hai BA! First off, potty training is a BI.ATCH. kinda like this Emilie douche.(does she even HAVE a kid??) Hang in there momma!

((chirpping crickets))

Whoops, sorry, went to go some more wine. I’m back.

In short? Motherhood is totally supposed to be like this. Unless, of course, I’m doing it wrong also, along with all the other FOR REAL mommas out there. Well then, I guess we’re all just screwed. To me, it’s all about survival. Wine helps with that. It’s also about the friendships & support we get from other mommas. Wine helps with that too. Dealing with potty training? Wine again! Over-worked, deadlines approaching, mind won’t stop ticking? you guessed it……wine! Hmmmm…..wine = common demoninator here, no?

Well shit! I’m a bad mom too BA! Let’s start a club!

Serious though? you’re human. you over-share, you curse, you drink. you eat things you shouldn’t, you say things you shouldn’t, sometimes you probably want to sleep all day. you have nights where you just wish, for the LOVE OF GOD, he’d either shit or get off the pot. you often think “just go the eff to sleep dude.” but then he smiles & holds your hand & says read to me momma. then you rock motherhood once again. Did I just describe you? I sure did just describe myself. & a million other mommas. so if we’re all wrong…I don’t want to be right.

::huge effin fist bump. hope i just broke your computer screen::

ps…..Hey, when you get a minute….I’d love the link to this imaginary blog where you want to kill your kid & you hate valentines day & you have a drinking problem. sounds like some great reading.

Reply

Samantha February 7, 2013 at 8:34 pm

I love showers. I sit on the floor and I read and yes, DRINK. Sometimes it’s wine, sometimes it’s something a little stronger…. I am actually pregnant right now and there have been many evenings where all I want is a glass of wine and look foreward to 4 months from now when I can actually have one. I am not a drunk. I am just a stressed out parent that likes wine.

And potty training a willful 3 year old boy is hard, yo. I am in the middle of it right now. I admire your willpower because I have given up (for the moment). I respond to the looks of disapproval from strangers when they see my preschooler in pull-ups with a big F U look of my own.

The problem with these readers that have left the really ridiculous comments is that they feel like they know you. By reading your blog, they feel like they are reading a book. Nothing happens in between the chapters that they don’t know about, the author gives you all the important information as well as the entire back story that is relavent. But a blog is not a book. We don’t know your entire back story and a million things happen between posts that we are not privy to. Nor should we be.

I have read your blog since our days on the Bump. Our boys were born 3 weeks apart. I probably have read most of your posts. But these dudes remember all these little details, even the stuff in the comments? I wonder why some people choose to make trolling blogs a hobby. And why are they so emotionally invested in you and what you say here? It’s like me and Harry Potter. I feel like I know the characters and get all emotional when a character dies or scream at them when they do something stupid. Why they have cast you as the villain in their own personal book of crazy is beyond me… Except perhaps that they are able to some satisfaction out of getting a response from you. That’s the only guess I have. I guess I would think its cool if Snape talked back to me every time I screamed at him while reading those books…. (Not that I think you are Snape…)

Good luck with the potty training. And feel free to keep writing about wine so I can live vicariously through you until I pop this second one out

Reply

Beth Anne February 7, 2013 at 8:40 pm

Nail. Head.

(& that’s how I am with Harry Potter, too!)

Reply

Samantha February 7, 2013 at 8:56 pm

PS- Valentines for preschoolers suck. I let my son pick them out in Target (tacky Angry Bird ones). He helped me do three of them. And then I was left to full out the other 33. THIRTY THREE!!! Of course I enjoyed our time together while doing it and I tried to get him involved and explained to him why we were doing it. But you bet I was swearing in my head about filling out 36 of those suckers for kids who can’t read, some of which he hasnt even met, and will eventually throw them out. Not to mention shelling out $15 when I would rather buy a new puzzle or a couple of books we could enjoy together.

Reply

Abbey February 7, 2013 at 8:37 pm

BA–I’ve followed you for a long time since your Bump days. I’m a bit astounded about how many moms are so quick to judge either on here. We all go through our different struggles, we all handle things differently, we all cope in different ways and enjoy different things about parenting. Nothing in your post alarmed me because I’ve been reading you for a while now and I know that you tend to play things up a bit or write about tongue in cheek situations…maybe these women aren’t used to that? I’m not sure. What does amaze me though is the amount of time some of these women devoted to blasting someone they had never met on the internet before. I mean…have an opinion, give it, and move on. Keep it civil people. I hate to see how they handle their real life friends’ issues with PPD or parenting struggles. YIKES…what a friend they would be. God forbid a gal tease about having a glass of wine (or three)!! And honestly, sitting in a hot shower with a glass of wine actually made me want to do that too…sounds relaxing. These gals need to lighten up, stop hating on other mom’s and move on. If they don’t like what you say, don’t read your blog! It’s crazy to me. (And if I wanted to be really snarky, I’d wonder what THEIR kids were doing when they spent all this time bashing you on your blog…hmmm?? I’m sure they are mom’s of the year and everything, so certainly they’re not neglecting their kids precious Valentines to bash you). But…I mean, I’m not trying to be snarky here. ;)

Reply

Christen February 7, 2013 at 9:14 pm

If your “please send wine” tweets are a cry for help what the hell does that say about my “WHERE ARETHE CUPCAKE” tweets? Because, I have FAR more of those than you have wine tweets.

Just saying.

Reply

Therese February 8, 2013 at 11:25 am

But, but… BA isn’t allowed to talk about food either… because “she is obese” ::eyeroll::

BA, maybe you need to get a list of approved topics for you to discuss. ::major eyeroll::

I rarely comment because other people are more eloquent than I am, but, like the old saying goes:

You can please some of the people all of the time & all of the people some of the time but never all of the people all of the time.

Reply

Andrea February 7, 2013 at 9:43 pm

((hugs)) mama. The balancing act of a working mom is rough. I feel your pain. We were blessed the potty training was easy, but we have other struggles with sensory trouble and anxiety. It’s exhausting.

I often find myself remembering something my therapist said – my goal should be to be “good enough.” Not perfect. No one is perfect; you’ll go mad trying to be perfect. Strive to be “good enough” for you and your child. That’s all you can do. And if that means having a glass of wine in the shower at the end of a really trying day? Then that’s what it is.

Reply

Amy b February 7, 2013 at 10:19 pm

Today I sat on the floor of the bathroom and held back tears while my two adorable children bathed. Why? Because I effing hate bath time. I hate the water going EVERYWHERE. I hate both kids constantly trying to drink the dirty bath water and I hate the blood curdling screams that come when I wash their hair. But afterwards we get our jammies on and snuggle and read a book and I wait all evening for those precious moments of no fighting or crying. Does that make me a bad mother? No. Does it make you one because you hate Valentines cards or potty training? No. And really they both are just silly. I mean he will figure out potty training before college and that’s what matters.

It makes us real and I am so glad to read real. Not everyday is perfect. Not everyone wins a trophy. And you learn and grow just as much from the things that suck as the things that rock. So BA I don’t know you in person but I wish I did because I would gladly share a bottle (or two….gasp) of wine with you and commiserate that sometimes it is that hard and we just need to vent dammit.

Reply

Tamaya February 7, 2013 at 11:25 pm

Meg.
Yesterday.
If anyone needs me I will be hiding under my bed for the rest of the day. If you need me…text me. Thank you.
Like · · Share.
4 people like this..

Bri.
Can I join you?
Yesterday at 3:56pm via mobile · Like · 2..

Tam.
Can I come too? I will bring a bottle of wine.
Yesterday at 4:18pm via mobile · Like · 2..

Meg
Hell yes! The more the merrier!! I thought about grabbing a box of wine for this occasion – just in case there is limited pouring room…we have a tap…and hell who needs a glass?!
Yesterday at 5:08pm via mobile · Unlike · 3..

Ann
Can I come too?
Yesterday at 5:48pm via mobile · Like · 1..

Meg
you dont even need to ask. my under the bed is your under the bed. brig…you too.
Yesterday at 5:49pm · Like..

Nan
Any rm for me?
Yesterday at 9:00pm via mobile · Like · 1..

Meg Yup! I have a king.
Yesterday at 9:45pm via mobile · Like · 1..Write a comment….

Reply

Tamaya February 7, 2013 at 11:28 pm

Somehow, it was left out of my post that the above conversation was from my facebook feed yesterday. What do we have in common you may ask? Three year olds.

Reply

Molly February 7, 2013 at 11:52 pm

Whoa man. What just happened? I read this post yesterday. Thought it was a painful moment for you and respected you for sharing your heart, as always. Then I returned and holy crap!

Listen, as someone who has struggled with mental illness her entire life – it’s just the most hurtful thing to stigmatize someone over. You’re not a good mom because you had a chemical imbalance that you didn’t choose to have? That logic will NEVER make sense to me. If anything I think our past suffering makes us better moms because we are sensitive and vulnerable and appreciate the happy times.

I’ve met you only briefly but that doesn’t matter to me. Your heart for Harry is always there.

Reply

Sara February 8, 2013 at 12:43 am

WTF. I don’t even have time to read through all 118 comments. And I’m not potty training a 3 year old. Y’all need to lay off BA. She is a good Momma and has a huge heart. We all say things in jest. Hell, if I tweeted about every glass of wine I drank, y’all would stick me in Betty Ford. And yes. I’ve enjoyed wine in the shower. And I don’t have kids. Life is hard. Throw in a stubborn 3 year old and good gravy, that would send me over the edge.

Stop the Mommy judging and start being supportive. Accusing BA of having a drinking problem is NOT supportive. Grow up, and stop being so freaking judgmental.

Love you, BA!!

Reply

Tiffany @MomNom February 8, 2013 at 9:18 am

Now seems like a good time to share with you three little words that carry me through situations like this…

BITCHES
BE
CRAZY

You’re welcome.

Reply

Tricia February 8, 2013 at 10:00 am

You know what, this is exactly like what motherhood is. EXACTLY. Ups and downs. The highest of the highs, because you have a precious, perfect, smart, and witty mini version of yourself. And the lowest of the lows, because WE ARE HUMANS. We are not perfect mothers, no matter how hard we try to be. And that is SO HARD TO ACCEPT. I love my kids so much that I want to be The Perfect Mother and never yell and never lose my temper and never admit that I need Lexapro (daily) and wine (occassionally but pretty often because I like it ;), but where the hell did the idea come out that it has to be fun and games every single second of the day?? Just because we love our children does not mean we have to love the mind-numbing hour of Candyland they request. I might ADORE bowling with him, but I hate playing Battleship. I might LOVE dance parties, but I freaking HATE marbles. I am still a grownup that has a much more educated brain, and doing some kid stuff sucks.

So yeah. I have a five year old and a three year old (who was born just a couple of weeks after Harrison), and I’ll tell you, you’re rocking it. We all are, because we are just doing the best we can and loving our kids like crazy. The end.

Reply

Erin February 8, 2013 at 10:19 am

I haven’t been able to catch up on any blogs this week but what I get from the scanning of comments is that everything with my 3yr old is supposed to be bubbles & sunshine & I can’t drink? Hell, then I was f*cked right from the get-go!
I’m sure my daughter will now be stripping & doing heroin by the time she’s 16 because I not only have a drink or 2 here & there…I will have one in front of her…oh the horror!
I guess I’m also a horrible mother considering I never give into her power struggles & give her what she wants just to calm the situation b/c “it’s a phase that will pass”. No, if I give in now then I’ll be giving in over everything; I may pick my battles but when I do I’m going to win- not her. She will use a potty, she will have manners & she will show respect but she can go to daycare in her pjs for all I care. If Harry is anything like my kid he’s already figured out that the more of a fight he gives on something & if he pushes hard enough the ONE time BA says “fine” out of frustration he’ll learn that he can push her hard enough again & again to get his way; my kid had that game down pat by the time she was 18mos.

Reply

Colleen February 8, 2013 at 11:31 am

Just wanted you to know how much I appreciate your total honesty about parenting. If it bugs one person like Emilie, it helps 500 more not like her. Keep on keepin on.

Reply

Megan O February 8, 2013 at 12:35 pm

All other issues with this thread aside (some commenters have more than others), I have to say this:

I have followed your blog since you first got pregnant with Harry and my oldest daughter is 2 months younger than him. In the message board days, I never felt like I could identify with you because I’m not a confrontational person, but it’s funny how life works out.

I’m a working mom and I suffered from PPD after both of my girls. My youngest is 18 months old and the depression is starting to creep back up. Even with all of this, I love my kids more than life itself and work hard everyday to be the best mother I can, as I know you do with Harrison. I had never dealt with depression before having kids and could have never truly identified with someone going through this, until I myself had faced this type of struggle. It’s ugly and scary and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

No puppies and rainbows here. Just THANK YOU. Thank your for being honest. For being someone I can identify with and not feel so alone in these struggles and joys that are real and everyday and just simply a part of my journey through motherhood.

Reply

Julie February 8, 2013 at 2:14 pm

You’re all right..nothing I see here is abnormal. Or maybe all of us who think your normal, are abnormal? Whatever. I had such horrible PPD that I didn’t even like my son for the first 6 mo of his life. I drink wine…a lot. I let my son sit in an all night pee pee diaper this morning so I could finish my coffee. We are all a bit of “bad mother” in us. If you are reading this blog and are a perfect mother….then I would suggest finding one of those perfect mommy blogs. There are plenty out there..

Reply

jenny oh February 8, 2013 at 5:37 pm

Love you BA. Haters gonna hate. Stay you. :)

Reply

Caileigh February 8, 2013 at 7:31 pm

I have no desire to rehash a “comment war” like what I see above. I just want to say that I hope you think about how Harrison will feel in 14 years when he find these posts, and realizes all the times his mother was less than thrilled to spend time with him.

Reply

Tottums February 8, 2013 at 8:56 pm

Oh FFS – I can’t even with this. Please stop being so ridiculously dramatic – this whole philosophy that moms have to love every.single.second. with their children is laughable. I PROMISE you, whoever raised you, did not {and did not want to} spend every.single.second of their life with you. They wanted to have a glass of wine and watch Murder She Wrote alone. They probably HATED playing My Little Ponies and Chutes and Ladders made them want to stab their eyes out.

Just because mom may not like making valentines with her kid, doesn’t mean she loves him any less. He will not be scarred for life because he didn’t get to make stupid paper cards for his class at 3 YO. Just because bloggers write and vent about the things that are hard, or frustrating, or upsetting to them – doesn’t mean that’s all there is.

And now I have to go blog about this. GAH.

Reply

Amber February 9, 2013 at 12:00 pm

This is my first visit here, and I am shocked. Not by what you wrote, which is beautiful and true (and if wanting wine at the end of a day like that makes you an alcoholic someone better call Betty Ford on me) but at the terrible judgmental thing people are writing.

I think people forget that our blog posts are just small glimpses of our lives. They don’t tell the whole story, only the stories we need to get out of our heads…am I right? You can’t assume you know what someone is going through because you read a few blog posts or tweets.

That’s like thinking you know what someone from a reality show is really like in real life at the end of a season.

Maybe that’s a bad analogy, but I wish people would just get a life.

P.S. I think an apple green dining room would be lovely.

Reply

Julia's Math February 9, 2013 at 2:39 pm

Wow.

Also I think drinking wine in the shower is GENIUS.

And three year olds are very difficult. VERY.

In good news you have a tremendous amount of people overly interested in your personal mental health…

Reply

JJ February 9, 2013 at 4:22 pm

What would happen, what would it mean if those points of view weren’t good or bad, just points of view?

Is that something that feels lighter or heavier for you ?

If they’re just interesting points of view.

Xxoo

Reply

K February 9, 2013 at 11:44 pm

I started reading this blog because my husband and I are planning to start our family this year. As much as all of the pregnancy and first few months mania sound terrifying, this is what worries me most…judgmental strangers. Do people say things to each other like this in person (in front of children) or is it the anonymity of the internet that brings out the mean?

I don’t think I’ll ever have the inclination to write out Valentine’s cards for toddlers. I imagine there are a million other things I won’t be inclined to do. I’ll do some because they make my family happy and others will just have to be “fails.” I’m fine with that balance, but as a parent, do you all have to put up with this childish, judgmental crap from strangers all of the time?

Reply

Alexis February 10, 2013 at 1:45 am

You probably wont read this because you are over this post… just wanted to say I always find it strange that people constantly write negative comments on people’s blogs. I also find it so so strange that bloggers take offense and defend. I feel like if I have learned anything at my ripe old age of 29 (lol) it’s that some people just need conflict. They love it. There is no reason to respond because you could flat out agree with them, and they would still argue with that!

I wish bloggers would remind themselves… there is no reason to even pay any mind. I’d erase it and move on.

I wish people would remember there is no reason to read a blog that doesn’t bring you happiness. It’s very simple.

Reply

MeaganMusing February 11, 2013 at 7:11 pm

Do you know what I got out of reading this post? You should hire a housekeeper. Seriously, someone to come just every two weeks to do the dusting and the bathrooms and the sheets. I would give up cable and new shoes for five years to keep my housekeeper. It’s so, so worth it for the sanity.

Reply

Beth Anne February 12, 2013 at 8:08 am

Dear Lord, I agree. I want one so badly. When we finish helping out a family member with medical bills, I’ve told Doug that I get a housekeeper.

(I even have one lined up with a quote. I’m just waiting. IMPATIENTLY.)

Reply

Sally February 11, 2013 at 11:06 pm

I read this after reading the Babble post. And while reading it, I was thinking, “Why does she think this is oversharing? This is EXACTLY motherhood.”

“Emilie”, you are a terrible person. Really, horribly, fucking terrible. My stomach is sick reading the things you wrote. You claimed to care about H, and to be writing because you “KNOW” BethAnne, and you “KNOW” what she’s really like. Then fucking call her. Or have coffee with her. Tell her what really concerns you. Grow some fucking balls instead of hiding behind your fucking computer screen and spewing venom.

Harsh? Yeah. So is everything you wrote.

I also KNOW BethAnne. I’ve had the joy of spending quite a bit of time with her/texting her/and enjoying her general company. Oh, that IKEA trip? That was with me. WEEEEEE!!!!! And I was there when shit hit the fan, and I KNOW that it didn’t make her a bad person. It made her an honest, struggling mother, who was doing every thing she could for her sweet boy.

Motherhood is not always joyful. But we FIND the joy. And yeah, maybe us bloggers could learn to curb some of the bad. But that’s what makes us authentic. It’s what makes other mamas smile or cry with us because they’ve been there. BA, you’re a good mama. You’re a great friend. And you’re doing the best damn job you can.

XOX.

Reply

Beth Anne February 12, 2013 at 8:07 am

Sally, I love you so hard. SO MUCH TRUTH IN THIS.

Oddly enough, THIS post wasn’t the overshare, but rather the potty training ones on Babble. THIS post is motherhood for so many of us & I’m not watering down that truth.

Reply

Brittany February 12, 2013 at 8:59 am

I came here from the Babble site & have checked in on your blog occasionally (although not very often I must admit. However, I will be coming back more) and I just want to say that I am saddened by all the hateful & hurtful comments!

I’m a new mom to a 10 month old and the only thing I have to say about it is that parenthood is the hardest fucking thing I have ever done in my entire life. Grad school? Easy. Surviving two of my husbands deployments to Iraq? Easy. Dealing with a tiny human who refuses to sleep at night because he has molars coming in? IMPOSSIBLE.

I also work full time outside the home, which adds a whole new stress level to our life. I love my kid and we have so many amazing, wonderful moments together that most definitely out-weigh the bad, and I am sure as a mom you would say the same thing. But those bad moments? The ones where you don’t feel like you can get out of them in one whole piece? They are really hard to come back from. My baby recently caught the norovirus that was going around and we spent an entire night in the emergency room because for five hours straight, he threw up every 10-15 minutes. And of course, Army husband was away at training & couldn’t get back. I cried for two days after that, and you bet your sweet ass there was wine involved at some point, because sometimes you just need it to help you relax. One glass of wine a night (or more!) is not a bad thing. If it is, then I’m fucked!

I am finding that as mothers, there is this need to not be HONEST about what you are feeling or what is happening, that we need to sugar coat every damn thing. Babies change everything, and like I said, it’s fucking hard. But that honesty that you give out, and other mommy bloggers like you, make the rest of us feel a little less bat shit crazy. So thanks for your honesty. Hang in there. You’re doing it right.

Reply

Diana February 12, 2013 at 9:50 am

I’m not really getting the “overshare” stuff here. Weren’t we all potty trained at some point? Wasn’t it harder for some of us than others? Many problems kids have with potty training have to do with power struggles, not actual body problems. So the gist of a bunch of posts are “my kid is strong willed.” So TF what? You think he’s going to look back on that and need a therapist? As a mom who works out of the house full time, I can sympathize that it’s freaking HARD. Posts where you vent about that or talk about needing a glass of wine (and I live with an alcoholic, so I can’t even freaking HAVE one) or say man, my kid was being really difficult today. They’re not even really about him. They’re about you. All these people imagining that Harry will somehow be scarred for life by these posts are either incredibly immature or must have been treated a bit too much like special snowflakes as kids. Parents are people. I great up well aware that I’m not perfect, that though I am one of the most important things in their lives, I am not the sun to my parents’ solar system, and that sometimes I act like a jerk and, while they’ll always love me, it’s hard to like me when I act like one. Are you people imagining he’ll find these posts at age 15 and be embarrassed? BA is going to embarrass him somehow at 15 anyway. That’s just how 15 works.

Reply

Beth Anne February 12, 2013 at 11:26 am

Thanks, Diana!

For me, it’s nothing on here. Just a few things I said on my Babble potty training posts that I needed to pull back on.

Reply

Swonnanen April 9, 2013 at 11:57 pm

I’m impressed, I ought to say. Definitely rarely do I encounter a blog that is both educative and entertaining, and let me tell you, you’ve hit the nail on the head. Your thought is outstanding; the problem is something that not enough many people are speaking intelligently about. I am extremely pleased that I stumbled across this in my search for some thing relating to this.

[url=http://christianlouboutin4cheapa.totalh.net]christian louboutin sandals sale[/url]

http://topredbottomsa.22web.org

Reply

Leave a Comment

{ 1 trackback }

Previous post:

Next post: