When I was about 15 years old, my parents sent me to therapy.
That sounds a little harsher than it was, but the reality was that I was drowning under the weight of both of my brothers being gone & me being alone with the cousins we adopted & a family I didn’t recognize anymore. I was knee-deep in the stress of AP classes in school & cheerleading & church & Girl Scouts. At 15, I was already feeling the anxiety bubbling up into my throat. So they sent me to a therapist who also saw my little sister.
Strike one, parents.
I already hated her, already felt like she wasn’t on my side since she knew my sister’s side. At that point in my life it was ME versus THEM & I saw her as the enemy as I sat in her chair & she handed me a stuffed Beanie Baby moose to hold.
Strike two, therapist.
She talked at me, making assumptions & I cried. Not because she was digging to the root of it all but I just wanted someone to listen to me & say, “That sucks” & she wasn’t going to be it. She just wanted to tell me how I needed to be the bigger person, help out my parents, be a little more kind.
Strike three, you’re out.
I climbed into The Momma’s car an hour later & told her that I would never, ever, ever go there again.
___________________________________________________
I sat on her couch again, curled up with a bottle of water & she had a Diet Coke & this is just how we do therapy.
We talked about last year & how 18 months ago, it would have sent me all on my head but this past year was such a year of growth for me as a person. That life is just life & it’s messy & dirty & unpredictable. I’ve grown to accept that & to realize that there is so very, very little I can do to control it.
Like how I couldn’t control how long it took to sell our house or the hiring freeze at work. I can really only control the dishes in my sink & let’s be honest, that’s a 50/50 crap shoot on the best days. I never thought I’d look back at 2012 with a grin but there I am, totally stoked about how last year went & looking forward to any challenges that might come. For the first time, I am ready for fight & not flight. It feels so smooshy-face good to say that.
“Plus, no matter how shitty your day is, it’s still better than medieval times,” my doctor rationalized. ”No toothbrushes & it was likely your village would be raped & pillaged at least twice per year.” Then we spent the better part of 10 minutes discussing the Tudors & how King Henry probably wasn’t much of a babe.
But the point is that when I start feeling sorry for myself, when I start getting frustrated, I remind myself that hey! I get to own land & brush my teeth!
Maybe give it a try the next time you’re feeling like the world is falling in?
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
My brother and I had court ordered therapy during my parents brutal divorce. Hated it. Hated him. Anyway… I’m going to try your whole owning land and brushing teeth trick. Will let you know how it goes.
Even if it doesn’t completely work, you’ll feel so ridiculous contemplating toothpaste that it will make you giggle.
I just wanted to leave a comment thanking you. I went to counseling yesterday for the first time in my life. I had an anxiety attack on New Year’s Day, scaring the hell out of the manfriend, and I finally realized I needed some help. Reading your blog, and The Bloggess and a few others blogs gave me just a little courage to finally go and talk to someone. I was a nervous wreck, but it turns out, the therapist was awesome. I saw your tweet yesterday about therapy right before my appointment and it just made me feel a bit calmer about going. Just wanted you to know you helped me out yesterday. Thank you.
Yeah, I’m 20 and my younger brother and I share the same mentor. Currently dealing with Strikes 2 & 3. Sucks. It’s always good to know that my feeling are not completely out of the ordinary, so thanks. Great post!
I dont own land, and at the time I cant really afford crest white strips. (although I hear swishing with hydrogen peroxide is just as effective? little scared to try that) Therapy has not helped. At least I own a toothbrush?
Your post is awesome and meaningful…and I just can’t stop laughing at the picture. I am sorry, I swear it’s like I am 12 sometimes.
It’s all about perspective, people!
Glad your therapy experience has improved so much.
I don’t comment very often but I just couldn’t help myself this time… I died laughing at that… at least we get toothbrushes! Man, really put your issues into perspective.
I remind myself of something similar, but it’s tampons. Can you imagine what life was like before? Blech.
Great advice for parents when looking for a therapist trained in gender issues. I know from experience they are hard to find!
Re: just wanting someone to say “That sucks” – YES. How can you take a therapist seriously as a kid when they don’t even understand your perspective correctly?