I’m going to put it out there, say it loud & proud, & I want you all to join me: IT SUCKS TO BE OVERDUE. Forty-plus weeks pregnant, in a full-on waddle with swelling, sitting behind a desk in a pencil skirt. That was me back in October 2009 & I will never forget the misery. While pregnancy was pretty awesome for me & I was pumped full of yummy hormones that made me speak in fluent unicorn, I was also ready for that baby to kindly get the gosh-golly-gee-darn-heck out of my body.
As someone who lived through 10 days overdue-ness & came out to the fluffy side of birthing a baby, here’s a life list for those that are over 40 weeks pregnant.
Things to do when your baby is overdue:
- Nap. Everyday. Maybe even twice a day. With lots of fluffy pillows between your knees & propping your back up. Put your favorite sheets on the bed, perfectly clean, then take a shower & climb into said clean sheets & snuggle down like a boss.
- Get a pedicure. I think I’m required to write that one in there.
- Take one day to eat your favorite foods from all your favorite places. Milkshake from CookOut, steak from Outback, fries from McDonalds, & salad from Whole Foods? No problem.
- Sit quietly in the nursery. Take in how peaceful it feels, how ready you are. Hold tight to this feeling for those moments at 3am when you’re unsure of your purpose with that new life.
- Read a fluffy book. Pour an iced tea or a hot cocoa & curl up with a book that has nothing to do with suspense or theology or thought. I prefer Sophie Kinsella books for these moments.
- Skip work. Play hooky one day & don’t feel guilty about it because when baby gets here; “mental health days” will transform into “baby is sick days.”
- Go out to dinner with your girlfriends. Do your hair pretty. Eat cupcakes. Laugh.
- Have a glass of wine. Not too much, you drunkard. But a few ounces of red wine can take the pinch off your nerves. (duh, ask your doctor or midwife first. I’m not a medical professional, just a mom with an opinion.)
- Watch workout videos from your couch. Preferably while wearing ratty sweats & eating potato chips. Laugh at how uncomfortable they look.
- When someone tells you to have sex to get the baby out, say something really inappropriate in response. Like how you’ve been doing it every single night. Or how you can’t because you’re a virgin. Or how you’ve run out of batteries.
May the force of your cervix be with you, my sisters.